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Original poster

Best friend is mad

32 replies

Buttonsmum67 · 18/07/2022 16:57

Hi Everyone,

I'm baffled and I don't know if I'm in the wrong.

I have a very over bearing friend who has to be involved in all aspects of my life. We are 37, to give some Info to the extent of this, I went out with a friend last week and posted it was the most fantastic night out, she didn't speak to me for a week and said I should consider her feelings when I write it was 'the most fantastic', apparently that line should be reserved for her.

I broke up with my ex partner last year and yes I whinged and took advice etc.

I bumped into him about 6 months ago and he was having therapy and a rough time with suicidal thoughts etc. I met him for a drink and have been chatting here and there and meeting up on occasion to try and help him through and maybe see what happened after he had completed therapy.

Anyway long story short, I have not told my best friend this information. I didn't really think it was my business to tell anyway what I'm helping with (the irony of posting on here) and also I wanted to navigate it on my own.

My friend has found out today and said she never wants to speak to me again as she looks like a mug for me not telling her I was doing this. I'm not sure why it's made her look a mug even.

I don't know why I have to say every part of my life to someone to be honest and I don't know if I've been the horrible person here.

We aren't back together, it's literal catch ups here and there with the view to maybe seeing where it could lead again when he's sorted his head out.

She instigated a conversation with him asking if he had spoken to me etc and kept plying him with questions about it, I'm pretty much done with him too because I feel my privacy has been massively invaded.

Am I massive twat here please?

OP posts:
Offandonagain · 18/07/2022 16:59

No. Your friend sounds suffocating

SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 17:00

I'd say good riddance. She sounds like she thinks your in a relationship. But she'd be too over bearing as a partner too.
I probably wouldn't put too much heat in him if he's in a bad place and she's been very pushy with the qns, but obv that's your call

PetalParty · 18/07/2022 17:02

Sounds very Single white female.

TheFlis12345 · 18/07/2022 17:03

She sounds unhinged and controlling.

Malariahilaria · 18/07/2022 17:06

I can't remember the source of this advice but think 'radiators and drains'. When you leave someone's company do you feel warmed and energised like you've sitting near a nice cozy radiator, or exhausted and drained of energy? Run away from the drains.

yellowsmileyface · 18/07/2022 17:06

She sounds very insecure, needy, and controlling.

You haven't done anything wrong. You don't owe it to her to tell her anything about your life you don't want to.

Blackmoggy · 18/07/2022 17:33

I'm going to go against the grain here...

It sounds to me like she's feeling a bit used.

billy1966 · 18/07/2022 17:40

Take her at her word, your friendship is over.

Your boundaries don't sound great so look at strengthening them.

She has no business feeling entitled to every area of your life.

Be glad she has made the decision for you.

ZarquonsSandals · 18/07/2022 17:43

I used to have a friend a bit like this. I was the single one and she was in a relationship. She once offered to hook me up with her 'boyfriend' because I 'needed deflowering'.
I was at her beck and call for years. When I finally met someone she was very standoffish with him, brusque with me and spent a year or so telling me 'I could do better'.
I did end up cutting ties with her for about 20 years. She's a bit calmer these days.

Prinnny · 18/07/2022 17:46

Is she secretly in love with you? Sounds unhinged.

thequeenoftheandals · 18/07/2022 17:50

Truthfully I had a friend who was very similar, very emotionally vampire-y.

We had been friends for years and we lived in the same area. She didn’t like me having other friends that didn’t include her; she didn’t like me going on holiday with anyone other than her (including my siblings and family). For years I put it down to innocent, childish behaviour but it’s only when I got engaged I really saw what others had been saying to me for ages. She was a weirdo.

I found out that my (now) DH was planning to propose months before he actually did. I knew he would be gutted if I had rumbled him before he got to complete (his) dream proposal so I didn’t let anyone else know either. When he did finally propose he asked me if I had known he was planning to as he had gotten majorly suspicious that my hands were always manicured before we did anything nice! I was honest and admitted that I had known - he laughed it off. But she was furious I hadn’t told her. She was even more furious when she realised that I had told my Granddad on his DB a few weeks prior, but not her. She couldn’t understand why I felt like I wanted to share this with my dying Granddad who wasn’t going to be around for my wedding for sure but not her.

It was a few weeks after this that I was at work event (escape room with limited phone network, no connection) and she had called me 7 times, leaving furiously urgent voicemails like ‘call me now’, and ‘I need help, right now!’ and ‘I’m going to do something if you don’t answer!’ And it was that which made me flip: I couldn’t be held responsible at all times for her anymore. It was way too draining. We were in our late 20s, we weren’t children. I couldn’t excuse this behaviour anymore.

I was honest I said I needed to take a step back from the friendship and she LOST her shit; blamed DH for being controlling, called me all names, kept saying it would be my fault if she did something ‘bad’ and asked how I would feel after. I honestly felt terrible, so utterly terrible but it just wasn’t healthy how I was at her beck and call, and she was taking advantage of me. So I called her mum & said this is what she’s saying, I cant babysit anymore. I blocked her number and from social media accounts. I felt fucking amazinggggg. Like I could breathe.

A few times since she’s reached out and tried to make contact, saying she’s changed and she wants to be friends but I’ve stayed firm and steadfast: friends should bring you UP not pull you down.

iklboo · 18/07/2022 17:56

She's completely off her cake. She gets to decide if a night out is fantastic or not? You don't have to tell her every minute thing in your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/07/2022 17:57

Get as far away from this nutter as possible. This relationship is nothing but toxic.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/07/2022 18:00

She's not your friend. She's behaving as if she owns you. Take her at her word, never speak to her again. Not that she means it, she'll miss being overbearing to you, her favourite victim. So you will have to do the work of blocking her.

IssaBaby · 18/07/2022 18:10

She didn't speak to me for a week and said I should consider her feelings when I write it was 'the most fantastic', apparently that line should be reserved for her.

Yeh you need to run as far as you can. This is pretty fucking possessive and toxic. RUN.

BadNomad · 18/07/2022 18:10

I get her point of view re: the ex. It's hard watching a friend go through a bad time with a guy, spending emotional energy listening to them, giving support, offering advice. Then 6 months later, that friend gets involved with that same guy again, and you only find out about it from someone else. It does feel like a slap in the face.

Thistooshallpass01 · 18/07/2022 18:10

PetalParty · 18/07/2022 17:02

Sounds very Single white female.

Weird comment - what has race got to do with it??

Op- Your friend sounds very tiring, you are grown enough to make your decisions without informing everyone about it. Your friend just needs to be there for you. You are not being a twat x

Sweatymess2022 · 18/07/2022 18:13

I had a "friend" like this a few years ago. After months of odd treatment, getting jealous if I went out with other friends and not her (not a friendship group) if I started speaking to any guys as I was single at the time, she would say they wernt good enough for me even though she knew nothing about them.

Eventually I had enough, said we couldn't be friends anymore as I couldn't cope with the hot/cold way she was being. She then told me it's all because she fancied me (she was in a 5 year relationship with a man at the time).

That I didn't have an issue with, as long as she could accept that I was straight any nothing would ever happen, but the jealousy and ignoring me for weeks on end but then being up my arse suddenly was just too much.

StaunchMomma · 18/07/2022 18:19

If I were you I'd step away from the friendship, OP. Her boundaries are incredibly messed up.

I think I'd send her a final message, as ghosting her means you too have done something questionable, stating that you are stepping away from the friendship as she is stifling you and making demands far beyond the reach of a normal friendship, then I'd block her.

She sounds honestly a bit deranged and I really don't think her entitlement is going to stop unless you remove yourself from her.

StaunchMomma · 18/07/2022 18:20

Thistooshallpass01 · 18/07/2022 18:10

Weird comment - what has race got to do with it??

Op- Your friend sounds very tiring, you are grown enough to make your decisions without informing everyone about it. Your friend just needs to be there for you. You are not being a twat x

Show quote history

@Thistooshallpass01 You know Single White Female is a film, right?

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 18/07/2022 18:24

@Thistooshallpass01

Single White Female is a movie.

JudyGemstone · 18/07/2022 18:29

Thistooshallpass01 · 18/07/2022 18:10

Weird comment - what has race got to do with it??

Op- Your friend sounds very tiring, you are grown enough to make your decisions without informing everyone about it. Your friend just needs to be there for you. You are not being a twat x

Show quote history

Spot the millennial 🤣
Single White Female is a film from the 90s!

JudyGemstone · 18/07/2022 18:32

I can also see your friends point about the ex. I bet he was a dick to you and you wanged on and on about it to her at the time, and we’re grateful for her being there. Now you clearly want to get back with him and she’s surplus to requirements.

the most fantastic comment was weird though.

Original poster
buttonsmum67 · 18/07/2022 18:35

JudyGemstone · 18/07/2022 18:32

I can also see your friends point about the ex. I bet he was a dick to you and you wanged on and on about it to her at the time, and we’re grateful for her being there. Now you clearly want to get back with him and she’s surplus to requirements.

the most fantastic comment was weird though.

I've done exactly the same with her on many many occasions :/

OP posts:
IdiotCreatures · 18/07/2022 18:38

Hey less of the millennial shaming please, I'm a millennial and have watched SWF at least three times!!
I'm thinking more Gen Z...