Is being 2nd place to child the natural course of relationships?

[Calmondeck]

Prior to having our DC (14months old), I really worked hard to convince DH that having a child would be wonderful. He took several years of convincing! We spoke about the cliches of some women forgetting their husbands exist/living for the children etc. But now I’m fearing my DH and I are the opposite - he is completely and utterly head over heels in love with our DC. It’s special to witness what a great bond they have. But, and I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, I feel a bit forgotten. I joke that I still exist too and my DH laughs. My DH has started sleeping on the couch… he’s claiming it was Covid (me infected) and now the heat… but I can’t help but feel he’s just got other priorities right now. Any advice?

Has it been like this since DC was born, him being distant?

No I don’t think it is. The foundation of your family is the relationship between the two of you and ideally you expand what you have, do, love, to include your child.

Him sleeping on the sofa without a proper reason would unsettle me, I’d stop joking and dropping hints and have a proper chat about the state of your relationship, if you’re both happy, if not why and how things can improve. Are you still having sex? Doing whatever’s usual for you in terms of hugging, kissing, sitting next to each other on the sofa etc?

I can understand sleeping separately if you had Covid but if it's gone tell him you want him back in bed. I know some couples do sleep apart for various reasons eg snoring but still have regular sex. If he is no longer wanting sex you have a problem.

I don't think your husband is sleeping on the sofa because you are now second place to your child. Ask the bloke! Have a chat, find out where he's at at the moment, how things are going for him. Try being curious rather than defensive.

Why are you joking about how you feel? Why aren't you telling him your concerns and having a conversation about it?