Why am I so attracted to my abusive husband?

[adventurebae]

I mean physically attracted to him. As a person he's awful but every time I see him I still feel it inside. We are separated.

Can't stand the thought of anyone else being with him even though he's toxic.

However for once, I don't feel like crying and I don't feel like going back. I really understand why it takes on average 7 times for a woman to leave. I feel stronger and not like I need to cry every 2 minutes. But every time I see him I know I will melt inside - and I have to see him as we have 1 dd together so for handovers etc.

Is he physically attractive?

Trauma bonding can enhance that level of intensity of feeling, but also some men are just attractive.

Attractive abusive men can use their looks to do or get away with stuff.

When you get these feelings, please keep reminding yourself of everything he's done. xx

He's maybe not everyone's type but he is mine. Tattoos, beard, blue eyes - really blue eyes. That's always been my type. But he's no good for me and I know that. I'm really working on myself and i can see that more than ever before

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up? Were your parents horrible to each other sometimes, then very physically affectionate at others? Were they unpleasant or dismissive to you, and then all cuddly and loving?

You've learned somewhere that being made to feel unpleasant leads on to pleasurable physical contact.

I'm in therapy. Have been for months and I have realised that my childhood wasn't great. No love and affection from either of my parents and they didn't show love to eachother either. Grew up trying to constantly please my father, was never good enough.

I'm working on it all

So you were given no example of what healthy love looks like.

You're attracted to your husband because he sometimes demonstrates love to you in a way you can feel it pleasurably. That's more than you were used to, so, to your psyche, it feels like a good deal.

But once you understand that your psyche isn't in charge of you, you'll be able to sort this. You won't stop feeling attracted to him, but you will understand why you feel it, and you'll respond differently.

This is really nothing to do with him. It's about how you choose to respond to your feelings, and about how you take responsibility for your resultant actions.