I’m so alone

[Pinkdaisy2]

I have been with my husband since we were 16. Now we are both in our 30’s and I just don’t think I love him anymore. We both work full time and never spend any time together. We have no one to watch the kids for us so we are never without them. We just have nothing in common anymore.

we only really talk about the kids and there has been nothing romantic about our relationship in years. I have spoken about this with him but he promises we will work on it and nothing changes.

lately I’ve been really snappy with him as I literally can’t stand him at the moment. If it wasn’t for the kids I would of been gone a long time ago.

problem is I am completely alone otherwise. I have no friends whatsoever and no family either as my sister moved away.

Im feeling so desperate and again if it wasn’t for my children I think I would of killed myself already. I’ve got nobody to talk to and I dont know what to do.

I think you need to tell him you want to part ways for your own sanity. You can't go on feeling like this. You can always meet other people and make friends.

You really do sound so alone and it must be so hard not having friends and family. I see my family once a week and I think if I didn’t we would definitely not be together still as I’d feel so alone with my DP. He’s just not a talker and is so overwhelmed with work he has no energy to talk much when he comes home. Plus I think everyone needs other people in their lives. My main question is are you attracted to other men?

Can you start by making some friends? I know it's easier said than done, but it would help you to have some fun, some support, maybe share childcare sometimes and to see the lighter side of life. If you try some new hobbies, then you will meet some new people as well as hopefully enjoying the hobby itself, which can help you build your skills and improve your confidence. Is there a local walking group or language class or craft club? It might not happen overnight but, over time, you will build up your circle.

Can you leave with the children? Being a single parent is a lot better than being an unhappily married one. Why not talk to a solicitor and see how things would work out if you left? You don't have to act on it, but it gives you some more information to work with.

Please don't think you have to stay 'for the children'. Children thrive when their parents are happy. As the saying goes - 'much better to come from a broken family than to live in one.' At the moment your children are seeing a loveless relationship being modelled. Would you want them to live like that when they are older? They will be happier when you are happier.

You are only in your 30s. Still very young. You have more of your life ahead of you than behind. Imagine what you would like your life to be like in a year, 2 years, 5 years. Then take small steps towards that. You can make it happen.

And although your sister moved away, can you stay close online? Can you plan a visit over the summer?

It might help to get some counselling so you can talk through your feelings and work through what you are going to do. But please don't dispair.... you can change things and you can be happy. You deserve to be happy. Focus on what would make you happy, on enjoying time with your children and planning for a happy future.

Do you want him to try? If he made an effort would it change things? Just trying to see if you really have fallen out of love or if its just the monotony of the busy family life, no time together etc

You can totally lose yourself and your relationship when DC come along. You don't have much if any help so there is no time for you and DH. Could you get a babysitter go for a meal? Even a coffee just the two of you?

Both DH and I have 2 young children (we have a lot of help!) and sometimes it's still hard to make time for each other we both work full time too. We literally schedule everything now re time together it's not ideal but we know it won't always be this way as the children get older and more self sufficient.

Right take the steering wheel. You said you have told him but have YOU taken control? Book a babysitter even if it's just for two hours and you and partner need to go for a walk, picnic, restaurant, anywhere and talk about the situation and what each one expects and needs from the other if neither of you or only one of you can do what the other one wants then you know it's time to move on. Tell you partner how you are feeling. Join a club, there's gyms that have clubs where the children can play or swim while you do a class so have a look at that. Make some friends. Call the GP and tell the GP how you are feeling. You can do this OP

People change and it sounds like you have outgrown your relationship. It can be very scary realising the life you knew is gone. It’s OK though, join a few groups or that friendship app (mush) take up some hobbies, and make a list if what you would like to do and then do it. It sounds as if your husband and you have fallen out of love. Try to befriend him so you can salvage something - he will always be the father to your kids.

You have amazing kids, you are young, you can fall in love and marry again. Or maybe try dating?

Well, your husband doesn't listen to what you need, and you don't listen to what you need, so there's no wonder your needs feel unmet.

You can start listening to you. You can be your own friend, parent, and partner. You can take care of yourself, the way you take care of your children. You would need to be doing this anyway, even if you had a compatible partner and great friends and family around you, if you wanted to be happy and fulfilled.

You are your own responsibility. What do you need? What do you want? Make a list. Get a pen and paper, right now, and start writing down how you want your life to look. There might be a thousand things on your list, but even if you can just provide yourself with one small one, for now, you'll start to feel better. It'll show you that you've started to listen to yourself, and respect your feelings.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

i wish we could sort it out but we are both permanently exhausted and disconnected from each other. I haven’t had a chance to talk with him recently as we are never alone and always so busy.

I am going to join the gym so I can go swimming but Other than that I’m always taking my children to their clubs after school. I work term time only so I’m home I will feel better with some time off work.

I didn’t think we would split up but if things don’t change soon there will be be no other option.

it’s just so hard being surrounded by people yet feeling so alone. I feel better for writing it on here though thank you everyone

I feel better for writing it on here though thank you everyone

Read up on validation, OP. And self validation. You're liking having other people's input because you're looking for validation. It's completely natural, because we're social animals, but make sure you're validating yourself enough, too. If you're really good to yourself, then you've always got someone around who's really good to you, and that feels so much better than if you don't.

I felt like this for many years, no support practically or emotionally. Unfortunately for us we are now separated and my exh still doesn't get it?

I did EVERYTHING on my own, I ended up extremely resentful and lonely and felt more like his mum than partner.

Keep communicating as much as you can with him, at least then if it does go pear shaped you know you did everything you could to try and improve things.

I look back now and wish I had left sooner, but I can't say I didn't try my very best to try and fix things first. It's tough, but I am starting to feel better. So sa over, my advice is to talk to him as much as possible for now. See if he has any suggestions or ideas about how your loneliness can be resolved aswell, i believe it needs to be a team effort. Good luck