How to get over someone

[SweetDreams34]

Basically I've had feelings for someone for years and have never told a soul. I thought with time it would go away (he's in a relationship)
We slept together once about 3 years ago whilst extremely drunk, he was single then. There has been chemistry between us in the past. Despite this, I know he wouldn't be right for me and he's in a relationship, yet I go through phases of obsessing and secretly lusting after him and need help moving past it.
We don't see much of eachother these days and I avoid messaging. We know eachother through mutual friends so there are occasions when we do see eachother.
I just desperately need help moving on. I'm prepared to try and avoid him completely. I just feel like these feelings run deep despite knowing it would never work between us even if he was single. I think we would clash massively. Also I know logically if he ever had feelings for me he would of done something about it so it's ridiculous really. It's just this deep buring desire for him and it makes me feel like a 12 year old having their first crush. Please help! Thanks in advance x

Totally armchair therapy here could there be a reason why you seek a connection with someone so unavailable and who seemingly doesn't feel the same way about you. Absent father? Low self esteem? Does he have high status (successful, popular, handsome) and his approval of you would make you feel worthy?

Do you escape to fantasies of him when your life isn't going great? Sometimes people escape in crushes and limerence as a way to avoid their reality.

What do you get from this fantasy of him? There must be a dopamine feedback loop when you revisit good memories of him and you and the more you do it the more you train your brain to escape to that little happy fantasy corner when life is getting you down or things aren't going your way. I suggest you retrain your brain to associate thoughts of him with reasons why you two wouldn't work out and to focus on them whenever he pops into your mind.

Stop looking out for him on social media, remove and avoid reminders of him as much as possible.

Shake up your life and make plans so your life has excitement or at least a plan to change whatever is making you unhappy. See his part in entering your life to make you aware of something or to change something and then let the what ifs go. Surrender it to life. If you're meant to be an item you will be. You might even find once you let it go you don't want him anymore. Thinking and wishing isn't going to bring him to you it's just exhausting and painful for you. It also occupies precious space in your mind and wastes your life on an unavailable man who doesn't feel this way about you. It could make you miss out on noticing what or who might be out there for you.

you had sex when you were both single but you didn’t you become a couple why?

if it didn’t happen then and he’s not gone behind the back of his current gf I’d give up. If he wanted to be with you as a couple he would have made the move.

fond someone who wants to be with you not someone who doesn’t give a shit

@JoeyPetrol I think it could be an approval thing now you've mentioned it. He is successful and popular. I'd say he's average looking. You've made some good points and gave me lots to think about, thanks.

@PoppyDrug I know he doesn't give a shit. I think sometimes I forget and need to take him off his pedestal.

When you find someone else, and when you've found someone you like as much or more then you'll stop thinking about him. Annoying to wait but it will eventually happen.

Just think, it really is a wasted energy lusting after someone unavailable to you.

Find something else to occupy your time. If this is all your brain and heart can turn to when they have a bit of time to themselves, you're not feeding them enough.