I'm scared to leave partner for temporary accommodation.

[Whatsthatspookynoise]

My partner is a bully and emotionally abusive. I've posted here for rants and advice a few times. I'm the lowest I've been in my life. I called a local DV line. I explained it wasn't physical abuse and was told to make a housing application. The next day I was called into the housing office to speak about housing with a DV worker. She said I can go into temporary accommodation THAT DAY. I started to panic. I thought although I am scared of my partner, it's not because he hits me so I didn't think anyone would help. I didn't want to drag my son out of school, especially when she said the accomodation could be in Birmingham (I've lived in London my whole life). I'm scared to leave this relationship and not have my family close to me. I don't know how to drive as I said, I've always lived in London and never needed to. I'm so scared of being isolated and I'm so uncomfortable being in this house with him. We currently aren't speaking and he doesn't know I spoke to housing, although he knows I want to separate and move out.

I spent the weekend at my mum's with the kids and I've just walked in the door and he walked into the room and didn't say a word. Said hello to the kids but nothing else.

My stomach is flipping over and over. I don't know how to pack up my stuff or what's going to happen. He works from home and never leaves the house. I don't really know why I am writing this. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

I feel horrible right now. He's across the room from me putting things in the bin and it's so loud. I feel scared of either option that I have.

I left my town and went into a women's refuge in a different city. My ex never hit me and I got so much help and support. I remember telling them how embarrassed I was being there when there are so many others in need that could have my room and they reassured me that emotional abuse is just as horrendous as physical. I had to totally uproot my two children, and it was fine. They still talk fondly of 'the hotel' we stayed in nearly two years ago, they thought it was a holiday 🤣 xx

I'm glad you got away from them! I would 100% tell other women that they deserved to have help for emotional abuse. I just didn't think that's what I was going through until other people pointed it out. Do you still live in the area you were put in temporary accommodation?

Here for a handhold, OP. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It's good you know you have the option to go, I imagine? Have you considered making an action plan? Would you feel happier staying in London?

FWIW, I actually found the emotional abuse far worse than the physical. When it finally got physical after about 2 years at least it was clear that the relationship was fucked, if that makes sense. Up until then I just thought I was going mad.

Sometimes I'd think please just hit me. Then I'd feel like I had a legit reason to go.

There wasn't the coercive and controlling laws in place then.

You can leave a relationship for any reason you like and it sounds like you have more than enough justification.

Do you think it would ever escalate ?

If you don't take the temporary housing offer, you do need to put a plan in place. Enough is enough.

Is the accommodation a shelter? Why are you being located so far away from your family that doesn’t sound right?

Are you working at all? UC will generally cover the cost of a cheap flat in London if you can arrange that. Might be an easier option than leaving?

No, I didn't move back to the village I'd left..but I did move to our shared home town. It wasn't advised, but I took the chance because I didn't want to be isolated from people that could actually support me (I don't drive). I also knew that no matter what he'd done to me and our family, he was still entitled to contact with the children so me living hours away just didn't seem practical.