I’m done, but he’s clueless.

[Fanningaway]

My relationship is dead and has been for ages. There’s no horrific abuse or anything awful, it’s just a long, slow decline into nothingness. I do all the drudgery and pay almost all of the bills. He sleeps and games and contributes as much as I have the energy to ask, nag or insist upon.

The thing is, though, he seems totally oblivious. I would even go as far as to say he seems quite happy. I’ve had no success in getting him to see why I’m exhausted and feel like his mum.

Us breaking up is going to be a big upheaval for him, and I just don’t know how to start the conversation. Anyone who has made the break with a clueless man, what did you do or say to get through to him as kindly and cleanly as possible?

I have not been in your situation, but I think just tell him that the relationship isn't working for you any more. Be prepared for him to argue, whine and plead. Sort your boundaries in advance and stick to them like glue.

Sorry it's over. Is there no way he could get his act together and give what I'm sure is ANOTHER-chance because that's what he will say?

You need to be blunt. And totally clear that it's over. No second chances.

I've been there op. 4 years into our relationship I had no choice but to kick him out, he had to move back into his parents home.

His life consisted of getting up (after id bought him tea, called him umpteen times and laid his work stuff out). He'd go work, come home to eat, play with our dd for half an hour then hit the PlayStation till the early hours.

I was basically a single mom. Final straw was me being rushed to hospital and needing surgery. He hardly visited me. I came home to an absolute bomb site of a house.

I chucked his beloved PlayStation out the bedroom window along with his clothes and took his key off him.

He spent the next year desperately trying to win me back.

18 years later I can honestly say he's changed. It took 18 months before I allowed him back into my life. He knows I won't tolerate that kind of shit ever again.

I think I got lucky, he was a really spoilt kid and his parents pandered to him constantly. Us splitting and him only seeing his dd at weekends gave him a wake up call.

Nothing you say will change your situation. Action speak louder than words

Us breaking up is going to be a big upheaval for him

Who cares? Honestly. If he's incapable of dealing with adult life, that's his problem. You've been his mum long enough, just stop that shit already.

Who owns the house/holds the lease?

OP, welcome to the free world.

I'm in the same situation. Been like it from the very start - he's a mummy's boy and I do literally everything domestically and provide a massive amount of emotional support. I get very little back. Unfortunately he now has cancer. I've have bent over backwards looking after him but it's never good enough. He is so rude and regularly snaps. I know he's seriously ill but it's a living hell.

Ouch, @windywoo78 Do his family know how he treats you? What about your friends? It's always easier to tell people to leave bad relationships, but it feels like being trapped, doesn't it? But him having cancer doesn't mean you have to put up with rudeness and snapping at you.

We own the house together, and it's increased in value quite a lot since we bought it, so I don't think I could afford to buy him out. He DEFINITELY can't afford to buy me out. I don't even think he'll get another mortgage because he's been earning so little.

This is no way to live OP. It will be harder financially for you to live alone, but I believe truly that you will be so much happier, and in time you may meet someone who is not a lazy selfish prick.

No wonder he is quite happy, sounds like he has a lovely life with you running around doing all the heavy lifting. It’s good that you’ve recognised that you deserve more, tell him this and wish him luck in the future.

He sounds awful.

Just ask yourself, do I want to continue living my life like this forever?

There's your answer.

Also, ask yourself, what made me put up with such a relationship that gives me no pleasure and I am paying all the bills.....

Get out now. There's a wonderful life waiting for you out there.

Better to be alone than badly accompanied.