If you missed someone…

[Bananasplits2]

…and it had been 18 months since you last spoke to them, would you message?

context, they are an ex partner. You had an up and down relationship and you realise that you both were to blame. I know they aren’t seeing anyone but are looking.

I guess I realise that I’ve changed, I realise how much I love him. However, I also think making the first move might backfire and although we occasionally see each other around and are very civil, I feel like I don’t want to chase him.

ive sort of resigned myself to always just quietly loving him from afar.

I would.

I wouldn’t. If we had friends or hobbies in common I might happen to cross their path for a friendly hello.

Why wouldn’t you?

I think maybe I shouldn’t.

Why were you incompatible first time and how would you feel if he ignored or rejected you?

I would but only if I knew it was for fun and I was strong enough to handle it going wrong . If your missing him after all this time you’re still now over him so if I was you I wouldn’t as you’ll just get hurt

I would want to but I wouldn’t. But that’s because if they don’t reply or act disinterested then it would send me back to feeling like I was broken up with all over again. And I hate that feeling.

No. You broke up for a reason. Those incompatible reasons still exist

I've rekindled past relationships before, and it's never turned out well.

Since then I've adhered to a strict "if it didn't work out the first time, it won't work out a second time" rule.

It depends why you broke up
one friend left her live in partner because they had completely different visions of the future, especially based on him wanting to leave London which she found unthinkable

three years later, he was married to someone else and she was buying a house up north. She has a new partner but would have approached the ex if he was available.

I don’t know if I believe the whole it didn’t work out the first time so don’t try. I think it could be true in my case but not necessarily always true for every situation.

we broke up for lots of reasons really. I wasn’t in the right place, just out of a ltr. And I think a lot of problems stemmed from that.

I will leave it as I think it will bring me more grief and upset. I think I don’t want to always feel like I had to make the first move/effort and I suspect he probably doesn’t want to try again anyway.

I did exactly this a couple of weeks ago, and am very glad I did 😀

I would make friendly contact and just see what he does. Better to know if it's not going to work than to spend the rest of your life wondering.

Oh I’m glad settingsO. Do you mind saying what you did and what happened?

I think my fear is that it won’t work again and I’m sure he’d want to address all the problems there were and maybe things wouldn’t change.

Agree that strangers on the internet can't possibly declare with any credibility that a previously failed relationship they know nothing about isn't ever worth revisiting.

You're the only one who can judge that. I'd weigh up the likely worst case scenario and, assuming that's bearable, consider speaking to him. Its been a rough couple of years for everyone and lots of us have made decisions we're not sure of in hindsight. Setting these choices in stone when we'd rather things worked out differently doesn't feel like a great idea.

Agree that strangers on the internet can't possibly declare with any credibility that a previously failed relationship they know nothing about isn't ever worth revisiting.

True, but OP specifically worded it asking what we would do, not what she should do. If you word things like that you're going to get very subjective responses.

I was simply answering the question, not dictating that everyone should follow my rule. Of course there could be exceptions to this rule, and ultimately it depends on a lot of factors. I'm sure there are examples out there where revisiting a relationship has worked out really well for the couple, but I can only share my own personal experiences.

I wouldn’t. An ex is an ex for a reason.