How impacted has your DS been by absent father?

[Geotb]

Just that…DS is four and dreading the questions. His dad earns well, comfortable life, easy to look him up online with his work… I wonder what on earth DS will make of this one day when he realises his dad has everything at his disposal to see him :( he has no other kids or relationships either. I don’t really have an explanation for DS except his dad was just very very selfish. Which I would rather not say!!

Will he be really damaged by this? Anyone have adult DS where this has happened? Only other father figure is my BIL and I worry DS will wonder where his dad is later on. We don’t see any of ex’s family so no father figures there either. It worries me.

My DS was fine. But he had a fabulous DGF and lots of healthy male role models. Losing his DGF knocked him for six.

I know he wanted a DF and I always told him the truth. He spoke to him once and that useless immoral bastard didnt turn up as arranged. Who does that to a small child?

I offered to try and find him im person with him. He also assumed that his DF would be another me.

My DS said once that he didnt want to know his DF because he abandoned his (DSs) family but that's when he was older.

My DS is now a fully rounded adult.

I'm sickened by my exs actions. I hate him.

My teen ds is struggling with the whole 'selfish wankrr of a dad' thing at the moment. I'm worried it's going to fuck him up properly. I'm trying hard to give him time with positive male role models. Our support family bubble during lockdown was with a lovely family, with a proper, present dad. I don't have any family, so it's tough. Hopefully he won't be too messed up but it's difficult not to be when your dad's an arse.

My DS is and adult and never met his dad. He's well rounded and totally unaffected by the absence of a father figure. He could have met him but didn't want to and has always maintained that he has no interest.

@roxisolerenshaw may I ask how those conversations went? What do you think has made it so he is ok with it all!? Do you think it just depends on the child?

DS1 doesn't know his dad. He's 13, it doesn't seem to be a problem so far, he does have a great relationship with his stepdad. We'll see what the teen years bring... He does social media etc but I don't think he's looked up his dad so far. There are two other siblings but dad only has contact with one of them.

I do think it depends on the child as my adult DD feels differently and as she got older really wanted a relationship with him. She struggled when she re established contact and found out he was very unreliable.
My DS and I have a close relationship, which I think helps, and I've never been bothered that his dad isn't around and didn't financially provide so there's no negativity around the situation. He just says he doesn't feel that anything is missing and isn't interested.

It made for some painful teenage years and clearly contributed to a lack of self worth that meant he didn't give his exams a fair crack and then achieved little. Having children mid 20s prompted a huge crisis and realisation of just what his own dad had given up and he has since tuned his life around. Has now studied to degree level as a mature student and is a wonderful father himself. But it still hurts him to this day that his father didn't want to be around.