Husband, son and after school sport

[Yaa]

So son goes to a sports club once a week and he hates it every week he argues with us to not go and it's a full battle to go.

he been there for over 8 weeks now and he didn't ask we thought he would like to go with his cousin.

this one evening he was particularly not wanting to go and was screaming and crying. My husband forced his clothes on and was yelling for him to go. I got upset and said to his dad 'did your dad force u to go to sports too'

now I'm in the understanding that we shouldn't force just listen to him and say fine don't go if he doesn't want to etc but as long as the alternative is not watching screens.

husband has been in a mood ignoring me and when he does talk he just says 'I don't want to force anything' for days. He won't talk to me about it or anything. He taken kids iPads and Nintendo but said he hasn't and is keeping out the house. At the time I said it he did yell I'm not forcing but encoraging him to keep doing this as he is being lazy and wanting stay at home and watch all time since then he has just ignored me.

i took son in the end with my other two kids as moral support and he does have fun but there are parts like splits he hates.

am I being unreasonable in this and saying this to husband?

i tried reaching out to him but he doesn't wanna talk and ignores messages it's been 2 days now

Splits? Is it martial arts?

there’s plenty of other hobbies out there to get him physically active.

write a list, get him to pick one or two, agree to a term, if he doesn't like it he tries something else.

even stuff like police/army/navy cadets can get them out and about with DOE.

if he’s more social find a team or group activity.

stuff like climbing, skateboarding etc is popular now.

Do you think your husband’s behaviour is going to encourage and make the activity something to look forward to? Surely extracurricular stuff should be things your child chooses and enjoys?
my dd has tried lots of things and some have lasted a year, some only a term. We have a deal that if she asks to try something and I have to pay for it then she has to finish the term, but after that she can give it up. At the moment she only does swimming (life skill, so non-negotiable, but luckily she likes it). She’s tried instruments and crafts, has no interest in any sports. Fine, maybe she’ll find her thing in her teens and maybe she’ll just be someone who likes spending time at home.
Offer opportunities, but if you’re forcing things then no one wins.

Take his phone and deny it was you.
sort of kidding, but it’s not ok how your husband is behaving. Is there a joint account? Say Saturday next week if the mysteriously missing ipad isn’t mysteriously returned I’m buying another one.

re hobby for an 8 year old this pressure is way over the top. I’d try taking him with your dds for a couple of weeks as that seemed to work, then have a chat to him about whether he really hates it as it’s good for him to get out, and make it clear that there won’t be any iPad instead if he quits. But it’s ok for him to quit, he can try it again or some thogn else next year. He will only be 9 next year!
Your Dh can take dd to ballet if that’s at the same time, tell him not to be an arse to her too.

He’s 8 years old and you want him to go to a sport he doesn’t enjoy to keep your husband quiet? You are putting this on an EIGHT year old child.
I suggest you sign your husband up for weekly ballet lessons and force him to go and see how he likes it.
He is bullying a child —- and you are enabling him. Shameful.

husband family also take him and his cousin and are of the opinion we need to 'encourage' the children to go to these things as they will get lazy and bored.

And they are right. One of my dcs had to be 'encouraged' to try out a sport which we thought he would enjoy. First session he hid behind a tree. We left it up to him to decide whether to go back and suggested he got a friend to go along to. He did go back - with his friend - and went on to excel at the sport.

That's what 'encouragement' is. What you and your dh are doing is abusive.

I agree with this. You're an adult and capable of standing up to another adult, you need to stand up for your DS. Honestly I couldn't give a shiny shit if my partner threw a strop with me because I'd stood up for my ds against him. You need to pull your DS from an activity that he so actively dislikes and tell your bully of a husband to grow up.

This is shocking behaviour. Your husband is bullying your son. Why should he have to do something he doesn't want to do? There are some things in life we have to do, and children get plenty of that at school. Hobbies are meant to be fun, enjoyable. If he hates it, it's cruel to make him do it. It's also counter-productive, as it will put him off rather than encourage him to get involved in hobbies.

It comes across as though your husband thinks he's in charge, and as though you accept that. You are his equal. You are equal adults who have an equal say in how you bring up your children. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide how that happens.

Are you happy in your marriage? Do you feel loved, supported, listened to, important, respected?

I beg you to stop forcing your child to do something they don't want to do. And to remove your children from this bully of a man.

That's awful behaviour from your husband and it has a very high chance of putting him off any sport (and all the physical and social benefits sport can bring) for life. It's really, really silly of him and he should know better, particularly if he got that treatment from his own father.

No the issue is her DH is a twat.

I'd be taking the fuse out of the xbox or PlayStation if I was you OP.

You are both terrible parents.

stop letting this idiot man bully your son, and ask him for the ipads back. If he says he hasnt got them then you will probably need to report a burglary to the police and claim on your home insurance for new ones?

some of the shit women put up with on here is absolutely astounding.

Poor, poor kid growing up in this household

It is okay not to want to do something you really need to at the age of 8. The kid just cannot understand that doing sports is such a great investment in the future. As a parent, I would rather just talk with my kid just to understand what kind of thing he hates in such activity. There are a lot of small pieces that lead to losing interest in sports activity: bad trainers, school trends, and so on. You should try to understand your son, but you should explain to him why sport is so important in his life too.