What is wrong with me?

[Ithinkimbroken]

To give a little background I had a lovely partner and he died 10 years ago right after the birth of our 1st child. I then ended up date two absolute narcissistic men and came out of each relationship with an extra child. I'm now a single mother of 3 and I absolutely hate the way my life is. I have a nice home and my children are healthy but I just keep thinking why me. Is this my fault. What is wrong with me. I want a relationship but at the same time I'm absolutely terrified. I started talking to a guy who seemed as equally invested. He stayed the night we had lots of flirty texts. A few weeks later he friend zoned me and it really really hurt. I'm wondering if it's because I have children. I just really don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe I shouldn't talk to men. Maybe I can't find a decent one. Maybe I'm rushing. I just really feel so low. How do people even know what to look for in a man. How do you date without the hurt? Or am I better off come to terms with the fact I'm a danger to myself when it comes to men?

@Ithinkimbroken how old are you OP? I had similar experiences with men. I think part of it is luck but the rest is being content without someone else. I don’t know how to achieve that so I’m not saying it’s an easy thing. Some days I am content and others I just long for a proper relationship. I think remembering life can and does change without you even doing anything, and remembering that there will be things you have that others don’t, does help a little. I don’t think it’s you though, blaming yourself is probably the biggest thing you’re doing wrong… I’m the queen of doing that though so I understand!

I'm 34 my little ones range from 6 month to 10. I've basically been single since find out I was pregnant. I feel so happy some days that I don't have a man to hold me back or treat me badly then other times I just miss having company. Someone to fuss over.

@Ithinkimbroken how do you date at the moment? Do you have a babysitter?

I know it won’t seem like it to you but at 34 you could be married with another baby in 6 years! And if you’re not, you’d only be 40 and lots of people meet at that age and have wonderful marriages. You sound capable and strong… in my opinion being single at 34 and starting over is better than being divorced at 45 which happens to so many women x

@Ithinkimbroken i totally get the someone to fuss over. It’s horrible when that feeling has nowhere to go. But again some people meet the right person a long time after your age and although it doesn’t make it any better I can promise youre not alone in this feeling. If you want to PM me the general area you’re in feel free as I am similarly lonely at the moment!

It's not your fault. But you may have made some bad decisions along the way (who hasn't). I'd really knock the dating on the head - I did it for 3 years and it's stressful and made me question myself. I should have spent that time looking after myself and hanging out with my friends. Maybe you should have a long break too?

How do you have the time, headspace and energy to date op @Ithinkimbroken ? Genuinely curious!

I don't as per say. Just got chat to a friend of a friend. But it's not worked. Now I'm think how on earth do I move forward and on. Do I actually date or just stay on my own. Is there something wrong with me? Am I odd for not wanting to be on my own? Is it my fault things aren't work? I'm just really at a loss.

I think you need to get to the point where you're happy with yourself before potentially dating again. You're not in need of someone to complete you, but someone who can enhance your already happy life. There's nothing wrong with you at all, you're just feeling a bit raw and broken. This can change.

Give yourself a break, you seem so very keen to find somebody I wonder if this is coming across as needy?

You have a six month old baby too which must be exhausting. Some men will be put off by that.