am i really that bad?

[WildCats]

Sorry this will all probably not make much sense.

Dp and I got together really quick (2nd Sept 06). After being told I couldnt have children I ended up pregnant with dd. She was born August 07. In Sept 07 dp got made redundant from work and since then things have gone so wrong.

We used to have a great sex life when we first met, then it gradually got less and less until.......nothing. I have tried everything to be ok with it. I have spoken to him and asked him what is wrong with him, doesnt he fancy or love me anymore etc.

The first time I asked him why he wouldnt have sex with me he said it was because he felt asthough he was always the one to initiate things. So I tried my best. Im very shy when it comes to sex but I went and had a make over, new underware and he didnt bat an eye lid, in fact his exact words were 'get the fcuk off me' which left me in tears and really knocked my confidence for 6. Again I asked him a few weeks later and he said it was because hewas depressed about not having a job. He got a job on the 7th Jan. Ive asked him again this weekend just gone and he said he didnt know.

Last night I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes, so I said why dont you tell me anymore (he used to tell me at least once a day) and yet again all I got was 'I dont know'.

I went to meet some mumsnetter's yesterday and asked him if I could have abit of money so I could get a cuppa and he said no because we didnt have any, yet today he went out for a few drinks with his friend. He came back and said, get dd dressed Im taking her to my mums. Hes now gone and Im so wound up and upset because he didnt even ask me if I wanted to go. Mil has had a macectomy (sp) and I really wanted to see how she was doing.

I dont even know what I have done wrong?

Fair enough, Im not the most tidest of people,the slimmest, the prettiest and not the most calmest person even but do I really deserve all this from him??

Sorry for posting and not expecting to get any replies really. Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes etc but cant really type properly with tears streaming down my face.

of course you dont desrve this dont really know what to say but didnt want to read and not reply xxxxxxx

he's walking all over you, don't stand for it.

wildcats - without wanting to sound too cliched - i think its a case of 'its definitely him and not you' - i think he has been depressed and if his mum has had breast cancer (mastectomy?) then he must havev 100 things going through his mind.

i am sure there is more to it than the sex - but please remember sex isnt everything - and right now i would leavve it a while before bringing up the subject again.

it was awful about the money thing - and there is no excuse as he went out drinking - but was it his/your money or did his mate pay??

please dont be hard on yourself, none of us are perfect - please dont let your confidence take too much of a battering.

call his mum and ask how she is, pop to see her when he is at work with your dd.

cx

p.s. i do think he is an arse, but if he wasnt always like this then amybe there are other issues he needs to work through on his own.

x

Losing his job just after you had your DD must have been hard for him. Ok, he's got a job again now, but new jobs are stressful, give it some time.

It sounds like you're (understandably) taking a lot of things personally that really don't have much to do with you.

He sounds depressed- losing a job is a big thing to a man. Well- it is to women too, but men feel that providing is the big thing they do, especially when they become fathers.
Would he speak to his GP?

Poor you.

I agree with others that he sounds depressed, and this would certainly suppress his libido.

He is treating you badly and you should NOT stand for it, he should treat you with some common decency and respect whether he's depressed or not.

Would he go and talk to a doctor?

Haven't got any answers, but it sounds like depression to me. Although I sometimes wonder if calling it depression is just a good excuse for just being an arse (sorry, I don't want to offend any mn's with depression, that's just my experience living with someone like this). The hardest lesson I had to learn was that I couldn't make DH happy - only he can do that, and if he doesn't want to, there's nothing you can do about it. Try not to let it affect your self confidence, it's not your fault.