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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage issues

2 replies

crazychick23 · 15/07/2022 21:19

DH and I have been together for 15 years (in late 30s) and married for 5 with 2 young DC, great marriage for the most part, trust and loyalty and tbh best friends. DH always been the quiet anxious type and still is mostly with family however has become more confidence and like a new person around groups he socialises with. I'm finding this difficult to witness as he is still very quiet with family members and it's starting to cause a bit of an atmosphere when we all spend time together. He gets on great with my side and they love him to bits the atmosphere is on my part as I can see how different he is than when he's socialising.

Also having problems lately in terms of intimacy, he never seems to be in the mood and it's always me doing all the initiating, long story short I feel like there's no passion or spark towards me anymore. We've spoken about this loads and he tells me he's tired from work and the type of job he works makes it hard for him to "get in the mood". If I leave it to him we would go weeks possibly months without being intimate.. I've started to feel jealous whenever I see couples who can't keep their hands off each other even those on TV and it's really eating at my self esteem. I feel like every time we discuss it we end up bickering and he goes very quiet (possibly embarrased) for a bit. I have no issues with cheating as he's very open and honest both communicating and with his phone (and vice Versa) and we spend a lot of our time together. I'm starting to feel insecure about him on social media and socialising with female colleagues as I'm worried he's going to spark with them/realise he is sexually attracted and realise he doesn't feel it for me anymore. As stated the jealousy/insecurity isn't a trust issue as I know he wouldn't cheat but more self esteem as I feel like we have just became friends on his part over the years.

Overall our marriage is great, very loving and he's a great dad and husband but I'm really struggling with the intimate side.

How can I stop myself from feeling like a part of me has died inside? I wouldn't end my marriage over this as our life together is more than sex but I yearn for him to desire me again.

I'm not quite sure what I'll get from this thread but feeling very lonely and too ashamed to speak to anyone in RL.

OP posts:
schmalex · 15/07/2022 21:21

Have you thought about couples therapy OP? We did it and it really helped us.

crazychick23 · 15/07/2022 21:24

schmalex · 15/07/2022 21:21

Have you thought about couples therapy OP? We did it and it really helped us.

Unfortunately this isn't something DH would be happy to do. He's against counselling on both a personal and relationship basis.

Did you have a similar problem?

OP posts:
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