Feeling sorry for myself for having no friends

[drinkallthecoffee]

Leaving work on a Friday evening and town is full of groups of friends all heading for a night out.

It's really triggered me and I'm trying so hard to hold back tears on my train.

I don't have friends. I'm friendly with many of my colleagues but we don't spend time outside of work.

I'm mid twenties and everyone's friendship groups are already established.

I get so upset and jealous seeing these groups of friends.

Yes I know it might not all be perfect behind the scenes, but they are going out and making an evening of it, I don't have that.

I'd be happy with just one friend tbh. I can't get my head around how some groups are like 6+? How do you maintain that many friendships? And they're all friends with each other? I can't wrap my head around it. The brief periods I've had friendships they've all been separate. How do you find that many people who all like each other?

All through school I had different friendship groups. They all ended up bullying me. And those friendships groups are still together now. What is wrong with me?

I feel sick thinking about it.

The future is so grim. I'll probably never get married but I'd have no one to be my bridesmaids (and I would want bridesmaids.)

There's never any pictures of me because I go everywhere on my own.

Never anyone to lean on.

I hate myself.

Please don't suggest counselling. I've tried it so many times and they've just started at me and ummed and ahhed and dismissed my feelings. Every time.

Also hobbies. My hobbies are solitary ones.

What's the point.

OP I’m so sorry to hear you feel this way. No one deserves to feel like this.

I can relate and have felt like you in the past.

A colleague of mine took up sea swimming with a group of people she found online - one year on and they’re a huge group of friends. It was scary for her at first but they took her under their wing.

sometimes you just need a bit of luck.

Have you tried posting on local FB groups or similar? My sister is amazing at making friends because she joins local interest groups and asks if anyone wants to meet up. Granted she’s met some oddballs, but also some lovely people she’s friends with now. I’m definitely not as brave as her!

I had few friends until I started a group hobby. Now I regularly go out with around 6 people. We also go travelling abroad together around 3 times a year. I know it's hard, but it's down to you to make an effort.

It's very hard when you try to speak to people and be chatty but you can just tell they're not interested

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It must be really difficult to watch all this unfolding and feel alone.

It’s a shit feeling. But it won’t last forever.
You will find your tribe and usually it takes coming right out of your comfort zone. One of these days you’ll start talking to a random person and hit it off.
Please don’t be seduced by social media thinking everyone is living the high life. I have a few friends who you would think are living the high life but feel very lonely and are unhappy.

I think friendships take a lot of effort to get established once school and uni is over. Work is a good place, why don’t you suggest an outside work meeting with one or more of your colleagues? I think it’s dangerous to go into this with a woe is me attitude as no one will want to start up a friendship with that (similar to a romantic relationship). You sound a bit depressed though so maybe you need support for that first.

I know how you feel honestly. For me it’s that i have people in my life but i rarely see them or go out with them as everyone i know just seems to not make the effort to do things. I go out sometimes but i spend most of my time alone and it’s very hard. Which is why i started going to meet ups, it’s a website and app where you can join groups and attend social activities, i’ve made one friend from it, but i still attend them even if i don’t make solid friends it’s a way to get out and not be alone. You should try that as well. Hope things get better for you.

You just haven’t found your tribe yet. I know it’s hard. Keep trying different things or the same thing, different group/location or whatever.

Mostly I’m on my own but once a decade or so I find someone I just gel with and that keeps me going until I have to move on (physically- I move around a lot for work) and then have to start again.

The point of bothering for me is how nice it is when I eventually find someone I gel with.