This happened recently and it has left me empty and depressed. This was a “friend” from back home. I met her at university and we had a casual but friendly relationship back then. We were not best friends in any way or form, and our lives took different directions, but we had shared classes in the first year of university and then kept in touch until around 1996, I think. Then I came to live in the UK and lost track of her.
We then found each other again on Facebook, I think around 2010 or 2011. We were on good terms and I was happy to have found this “old friend from uni” again so I suggested many times that she should come to London to visit, that she would love the city and it would be nice to meet up again here. She is an English teacher so she could also benefit greatly from the experience.
She came to London for the first time in 2017 and we had a lovely time. She came for two weeks and it was all fine. We were both very happy to have met again. The following year she came again with her husband and son, but stayed in a hotel, which I thought was very prudent of her as she travelled with other people.
She came back again to stay at my place on her own in 2019 and then again in 2020 with her husband. They stayed in my house but travelled quite a lot. It was a bit stressful, if I am honest, but they stayed in the house for such a short time that it didn't really matter overall.
But this year something quite upsetting happened. She bought a ticket to London to stay at my house without consulting with me first, not asking about dates or length of time. This was for three weeks, which seemed a bit too long but I was OK with it as I expected she was going to do some travelling in between. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it as I didn’t want to bring negativity into the situation. But then something worse happened. She bought a ticket for her teenage son too, without even asking me first if it was OK, or checking if it was inconvenient for me or my family.
Again, I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to put a damp on her plans and I thought it might all turn out good in the end. Her son, who is nearly 15, and my son, who is 16 might get along well and they can both practise speaking English and Spanish together and become friends.
Nothing prepared me for what happened next. The moment this 14 year old set foot in my house, my son invited him to his room to play his guitars. He told my son straight away that he didn’t hold the pick correctly, that he was playing the song wrongly and that his guitar needed tuning. Then he proceeded to show off his skills. My son was really put off by his attitude and went straight downstairs to watch TV. From then on, the atmosphere was tense and very silent between the two of them. Then we suggested they played a computer game instead, and this 14 year old chose an 18 rated game which my son doesn’t like and never played before. My husband was quite shocked and I had to say no because my other son is only 12 and I didn’t want him to watch or play that game.
I was flabbergasted at this point. My friend and her son had only been in the house for no more than an hour probably, and this guy already was imposing himself and his ways. I let it go that day and the following day we went out to Greenwich and had a good time, but my eldest son stayed at home. He didn’t want to hang out with this boy anymore. I don’t blame him and by that time I still hoped that things might change.
But then the worst happened. We had planned a trip to Liverpool together. The four of us, my friend and her son and my eldest son and myself. The boys didn’t speak to each other at all on the way there. My son was obviously not enjoying himself and I understood even though I wanted him badly to be OK.
In the evening, my “friend” and I went for drinks to the bar and she advised me that I should ignore my son as he was obviously not enjoying the trip, and being withdrawn. She told me how her son had made an effort to talk and that my son wasn’t engaging. I said that I’d talk to my son. When I mentioned this to him, my son said that it was a lie. The guy didn’t say a word the whole time, and I certainly I didn’t hear him talk either. When I went to sleep I felt really annoyed with the situation. I invited this teenager to my house who turned out to be an arrogant git which I was beginning to deeply dislike, and now I had to ignore my son, while they went about Liverpool, enjoying themselves and walking around the city non-stop, while we had to adapt and follow them around.
The cherry on the cake was when my “friend” made us wait for ages in the hotel lounge, not reading her messages or saying when she was going to come out of the room. I had to wait for around twenty minutes because she was in the toilet with an upset stomach but couldn’t send her son down to the lobby to tell us what was going on. I was nearly in tears when I told her that I was fed up of waiting and that I couldn’t wait any longer. She obviously didn’t get my point and couldn’t understand how I could be so upset if it was “only twenty minutes”. I explained that it wasn’t about the twenty minutes, I was upset because she didn’t get in touch to tell me when exactly she was going to be ready.
To cut a long story short, from that point onwards we went our separate ways, and it was the least bad option for us. I took a deep dislike of her and her son and found it very hard being around them from then on. She came home only for one night, and left to travel around Bath and Cardiff. I was dreading her texts from then on. She was being sarcastic at times, sending me jokes and ambiguous messages.
I had to travel on my own to Exeter, a trip planned for just the two of us but she pulled off. It was probably for the best but I was enraged that she didn’t have any respect for my time. I had taken time off work for that trip. I know I had a better time on my own, but that wasn’t the point.
I did apologise to her for my reaction after the lateness incident, and she gave me a reluctant apology that didn’t feel sincere to me. I emphasised that my house was always open to her, and that this wasn’t about them staying at my house, which is what she kept saying to me. She kept telling me not to worry, that they would go to a hotel from then on. I felt I had to keep my promise but I was internally relieved to hear that she booked a hotel. I took a deep, instinctive dislike of her son (and of her too, at this point), something that I found very hard to rationalise at times as he's only a teenager, but that’s how I felt.
She came to pick up her stuff while I wasn’t at home, luckily because I couldn’t bear to see her or her son anymore. I was disgusted by this person who I thought was a friend. I feel that I opened my house, my life and my family, and I gave my time to someone who was obviously just thinking about herself. I ended up feeling uncomfortable, stressed and used.
I know deep down it was all partly my fault for not setting boundaries with her from the very beginning but I honestly thought and hoped that it would all turn out fine in the end. Obviously not. I don’t want this person in my life ever again. Another gravestone to my vast cemetery of dead friendships. I feel so stressed and upset right now that I had to take time off work to recover. Certainly a real friend would not make you feel this way.