Nothing makes sense

[Savanna33]

I am going through a turbulent time in mu life. Home job, family etc difficult. I just have to get on with it which I have always done.

Love life never been good. In my youth I only ever attracted the bad guy but I had the sense to realise that so never had my heart broken.

Except now I fell in love (for the first time in my life) with someone who appeared keen off and on and was easy to talk to sometimes for hours. He was the initiator in the attraction BUT nothing actually ever happened. Gone over and over it. Am I deluded and read it wrong or just too old.

Not sure why I am typing this but trying to make sense of it.

Sounds like he was enjoying the attention but if he really wanted something to happen, it would have happened. He was dicking you around. Block and move on.

Do you mean no sex?

Yes no sex. It wasn't a relationship in that sense. I thought he respected me but obviously didn't fancy me.

Am I deluded and read it wrong or just too old

Why are these the only options? What about 'Neither of you expressed your needs/wants, and they turned out to differ'?

What's age got to do with anything?

Did you misinterpret friendliness for attraction?

I think the long history of not being seen or valued in your relationship made you susceptible to being love bombed.

These types know what they're doing. They flatter you and make you feel seen and it's intoxicating when you feel unseeen. But they are quite careful to never promise you anything.

The next time this happens be very direct, if some guy tells you that he's never felt this way before and he thinks of you all the time but he's not looking for a girlfriend, say '' Mixed messages don't work for me''.

Ah, no sex.

Who knows what he wanted or needed from you but I think the relationship or friendship suited HIM more than you and that's what you need to beware of.

He met his needs while you weren't even aware of what your agenda is here, or what your needs are.

Just because he didn't have sex with you doesn't mean that you misinterpreted the ''friendship''. It sounds like you got very close and it sounds like he ignored a few of the boundaries between a friendship and a relationship.

@Savanna33 can I suggest you binge watch the crappy childhood fairy's videos? Even if you don't think your childhood is the issue. She has a great way of explaining why you won't get what you need if you accept crap. She really talks about the ''rationales'' we cling to in our heads et cetera. She's very good, very direct and yet very kind.

I wondered this too.

It was 100% flirtation rather than friendliness

He was my boss which might explain why it wasn't a relationship

Oh I see...

I started this thread about flirting that you might find useful

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4556203-on-flirting?reply=117495438

I will go further now and say I really hate it when people flirt for their own amusement. I'm sorry you got caught in this and got hurt. There are so many reasons why flirting at work is problematic.