Suicide aftermath

[Lauren850]

Sorry if this is not the right place to post...just wanting to share a difficult situation. My mum died by suicide 2 weeks ago, she was 93 which many people seem to feel makes this 'normal' - they say things like 'if I live to that age I'll definitely end my life'. My feelings are complicated - these comments she me angry - and it's been incredibly hard coming to terms with what happened. I gave 2 daughters 19 and 21, both of whom struggle with their mental health including suicidal thoughts at times. Ive chosen to tell them that granny died peacefully in her sleep which is not entirely untrue. At the same time I feel there is a secret now and this adds to my difficulty as my daughters and I are very close. Today we heard there will be a full inquest - the police thought there wouldn't be - and I am feeling much worse...the thought of having to go over everything again and it being f a public matter now is just awful. Would really appreciate your thoughts please be kind, it's not a good situation.

I am sorry for your loss.
I think you are doing the right thing by not sharing all information with your daughters. Maybe it would be a good idea to have therapy yourself first until you have processed all information. Eventually, when you are in a more comfortable stage of grieving, you may be a better help to your daughters.
Good luck.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think if your daughters are struggling with mental health issues including suicidal thoughts then I think it is better to keep it from them As it is almost condoned by a loved one.

but I think if you do then don’t talk about it outside of the family so that they definitely won’t learn of it from anyone else

I'm very sorry.
You all need some specialist support, here's where to start
<staging.supportaftersuicide.org.uk/journey-days/?>

I really, really recommend you tell your daughters the truth as soon as you can. First, because living a lie will be unbearable for you. Second, because fully understanding the aftermath of suicide on survivors, can help them determine never to inflict that on you.

Third, because it's better coming from you in a gentle supportive way, than them finding out later from someone else .

Zilla1 unfortunately this was a very planned suicide. My mum made a very serious attempt 2 years ago and always made it clear she would do it again. In the week before she died she told me and my brothers it was time and wouldn't listen to anything we said. All the authorities were aware. It was very hard to live through this especially with my daughter having tried to kill herself 18 months ago....its hard when the people you love dont want to stay alive. My mum left various notes, her will on the table, all that kind of thing. CID said they were 100% satisfied it was a suicide.

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you have someone supporting you whilst you try and hold the rest together.

Instinct says that I think you do need to be honest with your daughters, the shock of finding out later and feeling like it’s been hidden from them might be much worse than finding out now, but I’m not a mental health professional. Do they have therapists, counsellors that you could speak to about the best approach for them based on their specific issues?

Sorry about that, OP, and it must have been really hard with your DD's attempt, let alone with you now having to judge what's the least worst way of communicating this to your DD. Good luck.

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. It's awful that you know how she died.
I appreciate that it's going to be difficult to further explain how their Gran died. But maybe a mix up with her medication will suffice.
The way she ended her life isn't uncommon. It saved her hanging on in pain and relying on people. She was trying to be selfless.

My heart goes out to you ❤️

I don’t think you’ve lied, you just haven’t told them all the details. I attended a media training course with a suicide charity that was asking journalists not to ever print anything about suicide because there’s strong evidence that it encourages others. There’s really tight guidance around what should be published and if it’s in the public interest to report on a suicide, they are not supposed to publish the method. Where someone jumps in front of a train they usually see a few more at the same location. For this reason I would not go into detail and focus on remembering the happy times and processing your loss. You know you’re daughters so follow your gut instinct.

I’m sorry for your loss op.