Ante natal depression, life feels unbearable

[Peocmeys]

Anyone had this? I am finding it all so hard and surprising. Relationship is on its arse which probably hasn’t helped. But I just feel so low. No excitement just doom. Found out im having a boy a few weeks ago and that made it worse. I know I’m an awful person. Been to GP and having support from mental health team but everyday is just doom and gloom. I feel like the old me is gone for good and I wish I had enjoyed my past more. I don’t want to look after this little boy. I’m also worried he will be like DP and that’s horrifying me as I’m slowly realising that we won’t last the distance. I should have ended it last year really, don’t know what I was thinking.

I am on holiday at the moment, alone as DP was too busy and I’m just crying most days, seeing happy families everywhere and knowing I will never have that. I am such an awful person and I don’t know how to get through each day now let alone when baby is here.

I lurk a lot and don't often post on threads, but I couldn't read this and run. Ante-natal depression was something I suffered terribly with during my second pregnancy. It hit me about five months in. Couldn't get out of bed. Barely made it into work. Told frequent lies that I had midwife/hospital appointments to cover for the fact I wasn't functioning. I couldn't even talk to my mum or my friends. It was triggered, I think, by falling pregnant again before I was ready, and feeling so lost and no longer the person I was. Despite my husband's concern, I refused to see my GP - I got it into my head that I didn't want to take anti-depressants while pregnant - but I probably should have done. It cleared of its own accord when I was about seven/eight months pregnant and I suspect it may have been related to my hormones. I was still breast-feeding my first and I was exhausted. Please don't suffer alone. Perhaps speak to your midwife. I went to a very dark place with mine, but I'm fine now, and my daughter, whom I adore, is twelve. I hope you feel better soon.

People aren't going to reply to you OP because they've replied to your many threads on the same thing - including only this morning.

You will only get the same responses if they do.

You are 'flooding' at the moment which isn't helpful to you.

Get off MN and make an appointment with your midwife.

As a PP has said, you need to seek medical help here, OP. The anxiety and depression you’re experiencing are chemically driven and they are fixable - talk to medical professionals who can help you fix them.