Am I being unreasonable?

[MummyTo2Monsters]

So next week mil is receiving an award from Tupperware, the event is in another town 4 hrs away. Her car has some problem so she is unable to use it. Yesterday DH asked me if I could use my late Dad's car to work (as I use our car daily to drop my DS off at daycare and get to work) so his parents could use our car next week to the event. I was fuming (silently) and did not answer.
A few days prior, sil from the same town where the event is taking place messaged me telling me that she is having a little 2nd birthday party for her DD and would like us to come and bring her parents, she understands that fuel is expensive so she will deposit money to cover fuel costs. Now thing is, she only offered to pay for fuel because she wants her parents there and we are just the ride alongs.
DH has another sister here who could borrow them her vehicle. And knowing DH he would pay for their fuel to get there while he cries to me that he's forever broke 🙄

What do I do or say without making seem like I don't want them using our car (also if they go, they stay a few days at sil place so they will be using the car for a few days) and without it turning into a fight.

If you don’t feel comfortable driving your dad’s old car, then just say that the plan won’t work. If the car is reasonably reliable though, it’s a perfectly sensible plan. The ILs should make it a short trip and return your vehicle clean and with a full tank of gas as proper car borrowing etiquette requires.

Thank you for all the post... Both nasty and not 🙈.
To everyone calling me mean maybe I needed to hear that, but please also understand it took alot to make me this way as well. It's no just that I don't want to lend my ILs my car, there's the whole issue of dh making plans with them without my knowledge (and yes he's very capable of making his own decisions but I would love to be included when it involves/effects me). Dh always puts them first, yes even before the kids.
No we do not budget at the beginning of the year for funerals. We have alot of bills, that particular month was extra as it was Jan with back to school etc so we did not have any spare cash for 'unforseen expenses'.
My dads car is not old, even new cars, like mils, have mechanical problems sometimes. Yes it is an option to use it, and possibly make the problem worse.
ILs also have the option of using their daughters vehicle.
Yes dh is paying for the car which I traded my vehicle in for. We are married so I guess that should make that 'our' car.
Sil offering to pay for fuel is very kind and isn't the problem, but that also puts us in an obligatory situation like we cannot say no. And no I wasn't planning on going anyway because I didn't even know there was going to be a party until she hatched this plan of us bringing her parents. And honestly it's a 2nd birthday, we attended the 1st birthday (on our own cost 😅), I had my ds 2nd birthday party in Feb and understood that sil couldn't attend because of costs and distance.

^ This

Sorry but you sound very picky and in all honestly, mean. Can't see why you wouldn't help them out.

Give them your dads car if you're that bothered.

It would annoy me if decisions and arrangements were made that included me without including me in the discussion . I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

If you don't use the other car sell it, scrap it, then you can say sorry no only one car there might be an emergency.

ILs also have the option of using their daughters vehicle.

Why should they use their daughters if they're not allowed to use their sons? What if her DH vetoes it?

If you're not using your dads car, sell it.

I'd let them use the car on the condition that they return it with a full tank of petrol. That makes up for the inconvenience.

For a little more context and for the posters who have not read all my posts.
My Dad's car has a problem which dh is very well aware of. It is not with me, it's parked at my mums place. When my dad passed there was a whole lot of legalities with the license and stuff and it was my sister and her dh who ran around to get it all sorted. With regard to the mechanical problems with the car, my sister's dh was the only person attempting to get it fixed, my dh is very good with cars, (he repairs and services our cars) but never once bothered to helped with my dad's car as it was not 'his problem' as it always is with any issue my family encounters. So please tell me if I'm really being unfair to not use my dad's car which is broken for the convenience of dh n ILs.
When my dad was transferred to another hospital in another city I told my dh that I need to go be with him the first thing he said to me was 'I have no money for fuel' 😪 my dad passed 2 weeks later.
I do not not even understand the relevance of posters telling me to sell my dad's car, it's not mine to sell! And how has my post circled around his car when the issue was ILs borrowing our car.

@MummyTo2Monsters then just say 'sorry I can't use my dads car. Your parents will have to hire a car for the day.'

Reading your follow ups... The car situation is a red herring. Your husband sounds awful.

LTB, problems all solved.

Nobody else boggled at a Tupperware award?

Aibu to assume the award will be plastic??

I'm guessing it's some kind of MLM where you sell £7000 worth of Tupperware to your friends and neighbours and get a chocolate coin for your efforts

I have close family. Close with SIL, MIL, FIL, cousins, nephews, neices. Most drive.

Not once have i ever been asked if they could 'borrow' my car. I cant start to think of the issues that could arise.

Arguments about insurance (Are they insured? i would want evidence and confirmation that they will pay for replacement and any excess straight away). Arguments about damage. Arguments about wear and tear. Time they have the car. Inconvenience.

Crikey, they say never lend money to family. I think a car would be the next worst thing to lend.

I would consider it unreaonable to not help out by driving them somewhere if you can but no way would i lend my car out

I hear and understand you.

My husband does this to me too. Makes arrangements/promises which affect me (and usually cause me extra work), but without bothering to even let me know beforehand. It’s just presented as a done deal, and of course he can’t go back on his word.

it makes me feel I have no worth in the marriage and my time and effort is of less value than his. The problem is it makes you seem petty when you make a fuss, but it’s the accumulation of being taken for granted. I haven’t found a solution really which is why I am separating from him (among many other reasons).

Suggestions:
make up a lie why this can’t happen.
let this go, but aim to have a chat with him later and try and set some ground rules. (Make a list of all the times something similar has happened)
Forget about trying to be seen as reasonable and just say No.

My therapist pointed out it is very easy to be generous when the good deed doesn’t impact, or cause any inconvenience for your husband.

you have my sympathy.

Sounds like your dads car isn't an option to use in that case. So the response is simply that your can't let PIL use your car as your dads car isn't working.

They've have to borrow someone else's or hire a car.

@sleepymum50 you feel exactly the same. I let alot of things slide. When it does get to a point when I cannot take it anymore and let him know how I feel it turns ugly and I'm accused of 'hating his family'. They aren't my favorite people, granted, they have done some horrible things to me in the past which I have tried to madmke peace with n move on.
I totally feel excluded from their plannings, there's many many things that happens in his family which I do not know about and when I do get a hint of it I don't even bother to ask coz clearly it did not involve me. Dh has like 2 separate families. His no. 1 being his parents, brother n sisters. Then us, the runners up his wife and kids.

I think I'm just going to let them use the car, how I get to work will be the next challenge but I'm sure Dh has that all figured out for me already. I don't want to be the bad guy and start a fight. But for the party I will not be going.

they need to sort out their own transport issues, get a train, get a bus, hire a car, borrow someone else's. If they borrow your car, then as you cannot drive your father's car, they just pass the same issue onto you

When my dad was transferred to another hospital in another city I told my dh that I need to go be with him the first thing he said to me was 'I have no money for fuel' 😪 my dad passed 2 weeks later.

I bemused by this thread. You start off not wanting to lend you mil your car to get an award, throw in a moan about your sil giving you money to go to a party and then you pull out that your husband wouldn't give you money to see your dying father! I think you've lost all perspective on your problems. Your husband had sufficient money to take his parents to a funeral 4 hrs away but no money to give you to see you dad.
I don't see that your in-laws are your problem. They're offering to recompense you all the time. It seems like you husband is the problem by being a bit of a heartless shit, really. I'd have much bigger complaints about him than he makes arrangements without you.

He can make all the decisions he likes when they affect him.

This one affects the OP

@Nanny0gg Thank You!!!!