ADHD/ ASD Positivity thread

[Opaljewel]

I want to offer a place to praise the good parts about your partners/ family/ yourselves on this thread.

This isn't a place to spout off how difficult they are. This is a place to show the positive of being neurodiverse.

I am on the waiting list to be diagnosed with ADHD and I have many positive attributes and I'm very aware of my not so positive like many humans.

I like to think I'm really empathic and kind. I have a good sense of humour. I try my best for my friends. I've also stopped masking as much and I've had a mostly positive response back so I feel like I've picked a good bunch of friends around me and work have been really supportive whilst I am seeking a diagnosis. Especially since my concentration has been bad recently.

I also feel like I'm trying to be kinder to myself since I've realised NT really don't have a clue what it feels like to have my brain. Realising a lot of it isn't my fault and I'm not stupid or lazy.

It's been an eye opening journey.

Also since realising I aren't neurotypical, my understanding of the spectrum has really developed since I've been doing my own research.

What are yours? 😀

I get the brain fog too when I am tired lol!

My boyfriend has ADHD. He's kind, warm, engaging, incredibly socially confident without being overbearing, and makes me feel cared for and important in his life. His many obsessions over the years before I met him have made him interesting and very knowledgeable about random things. He is trying to be positive about his (relatively recent) diagnosis which I think helps. I've read lots about it and gone to webinars about ADHD to understand it more, and in turn that means that I can help him too. We are a good team.

There's a ND mumsnetters board just incase you didn't know, op. I don't think the threads show up in active or trending so it's (mostly) safe from the ableist lot.

Thanks for the advice and links OP. Very helpful and appreciated.

I didn't know that thank you. But since this board has a lot of traffic and there is a support thread from dealing with us apparently, I thought it would nice to counteract that with a posivity post.

No problems at all. If I can helo with anything else, please let me know.

I am a big supporter of mental health.

I bought this book for my daughter, whilst aimed at teen girls I think it has lots of great positive messages and would highly recommend it: www.amazon.co.uk/Spectrum-Girls-Survival-Guide-Autistic/dp/178775183X?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=355058b7-af4d-40eb-84ce-9d6f667b34e7

Thank you so much for this thread OP. I can't pretend it's not hard constantly seeing the barrage of negativity on here towards ND individuals.

I'm autistic and have ADHD. Of course I have my short comings and I can be a major pain in the arse at times (unintentionally) but I'm also:

Full of enthusiasm
Bouncing with energy
Passionate about things/people that I love
Ferociously protective
Loyal and loving
I get things done that no one else can because I'm tenacious (eg/our recent house sale was HORRIBLE but I pushed it through)
I have an incredible eye for detail
I'm honest
I mean well - even if my good intentions sometimes don't quite make it through to action (my fellow ADHDers will appreciate what this is like!!!)
Inquisitive and curious mind
I have a great, self-deprecating sense of humour
I will do anything for those that I love, nothing is too much trouble

I'm also not as arrogant or full of myself as I sound!! 😅 It's very strange writing out a list of positive features - it feels so much easier to write about negative traits, isn't that interesting?!

I'm 46 now and when I was younger I tied myself in knots worrying about what others might think. Just love yourself for who you are. You don't need to change to fit in. You will find your tribe. There are lots of lovely people in this world - you don't ever need to apologise for yourself, just for being you. You will find friends and romantic partners that adore you, for all that you are. Honestly.

Practical tips? I text myself - like a PP said. Do things the second you think of them. Don't hesitate and don't question it. The moment you delay or think about something, it's game over. Have a defined "place" for all your important stuff and always, always use it. I have a place for my keys and I never, ever put them anywhere else, not even for a second. I never lose my keys. I don't have a "place" for my phone and I'm always losing the bastard thing - even when it's in my other hand.....

Prioritise yourself. Sleep, exercise and decent food will all make a difference. Try really hard even though you might forget to eat, or get hyper focussed on something and overshoot your bedtime by a few hours. Multiple alarms set five minutes apart can disrupt you enough to get stuff done. Although if you have PDA as well, this won't work 😅

Just listen to that Baz Luhrman song basically - the one about the sunscreen. There's loads of great advice in there. I could have just said that at the start rather than wittering on. Don't be afraid to take care of yourself and put your needs first sometimes ❤️

I’m also waiting to be assessed for ADHD.

-If I’m into something eg a topic I’m really into it and know everything about it

-I generally am quite brave eg I try to be the person who says what they think, who says “hang on, somethings wrong here”.

-I really struggle to suffer fools and I don’t understand how people allow bad behaviour to go unchecked.

-I question things a lot, like social constructs/norms. I’ll always be the one to say “who says you can’t do X”.

-I’m creative and can visualise things

My DS has ADD and his childhood and school days were not always easy. He has since mastered an incredibly difficult language (inspired by one of his obsessions) and now lives in that country where it is a matter of course that he is very different from everyone else around him. He’s really doing well and we are so proud of him. We miss him so much and we sit here crying with laughter remembering all the crazy incidents of his school days. He is one of the kindest, funniest people you could ever meet. Off to see him in two weeks for the first time since COVID! Thanks for your positive thread.

I feel the need to rekindle this thread. I'm autistic and my eldest son was just diagnosed last week. I'm so very proud of him and how far he's come. He's going to fly high once we get the right support in place for him.

I made the mistake of reading the support for partners thread and am feeling pretty crummy about myself tonight

@Blackeyesbluetears I’m sure that for every person who posts on that thread, there will be others who are happily married to someone who is autistic. I don’t think that thread comes anywhere near being a complete and accurate reflection of what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who is autistic. It’s just individual experiences.

For what it’s worth my DH is autistic and I’ve never had any need to post on that thread. My DH is funny, creative, caring, kind and extremely determined. He’s also incredibly honest and trustworthy. He’s brilliant really and I consider myself very lucky to have him in my life 😊

That's so good to hear. I'm autistic and really hope my husband doesn't have a hard time with me. We don't have it easy juggling the needs of ds1 but I think we do ok

I learnt my son was asd in summer 2021 and have since been in a learning journey

I have so many traits and it’s helped me so
much in learning why people are how they are

its made me a more compassionate person

I can give one example of how I’ve changed

I walked past a local authority flat in a very lovely new development
I could see into the kitchen which was a mess , a real mess - the kind of mess that indicates MH problems

the OLD me would have tutted and said ‘they are so lucky to have that flat . Why arnt they looking after it !!

the NEW me thought how nice that someone with mental health problems has this safe and warm flat .

My 4 year old has just started talking. He seems to know every word and says them all so clearly. He's amazing, so full of love and fun. We're all so happy and astounded by him. I love that he can call for me if he wants me now, and we've been told by his therapist that we have a very intelligent boy on our hands. He is just the best. Go on my son!!