Both in our late 50's second marriage of around 4 years. DH let's his adult children in their thirties manipulative him, I think he still feels guilty about leaving their mum. I know he gives them money (his money) even though they both have decent jobs and earn more then him. He doesn't know I know this but it's happened a few times now, sometimes it's a bit sometimes it's hundreds. This is money we could well use for ourselves and they are using him like they have done ask their lives, they've always had everything they wanted. We keep having a talk about how I hate concealment and want him to be open so I get why he didn't tell me because I don't approve. Also my MIL is annoying, she'll expect him to do a 20 mile round trip to take her milk, I have no idea why it started in lockdown except now she's demanding he do to a certain shop as it's goes off from anywhere else, which is rubbish. He takes her shopping and she's never thankful nor offers to pay it's just expected. He lets her berate him like he's still a child and never answers her back. I need him to have a backbone and I'm fed up of him letting himself be used by them all. When we got married he said I'm not getting to be their cash cow any more but it's still going on and I'm getting resentful, when I try to talk he just rolls his eyes then I feel bad because I understand he's stuck in the middle trying to please everyone.
I just don't know how to deal with this any more.