Wondering why | Mumsnet

AuntTwacky · 13/07/2022 00:43

northernlight20 · 13/07/2022 00:23

People come on here for advice knowing they won’t take the advice. I very often read posts asking for advice and you just know they won’t take the advice anyway, so what’s the point? Too hot to sleep so just pondering I guess.

What's the point of your post

Bunty55 · 13/07/2022 00:48

I think people who are in a very bad situation just need to talk because what else can they do. Its easy to give advice isn't it !

GreyCarpet · 13/07/2022 05:52

I've come here over the years (under different names) to ask for advice.

I had very good advice when I discovered my husband's affair. I didn't follow it all straightaway but there were posts and comments that I took with me and, 10 years on, can still remember word for word and followed in subsequent relationships too. It was all valuable.

I posted before going NC with my mother about the final straw that broke the camel's back. I didn't really need advice as such more just support. Again, it was amazing and left me in no doubt I was doing the right thing.

I tend to filter through the 'reactionary" knee jerk type responses and look for the ones with a measured tone regardless of the content. I don't always agree and, where the advice is conflicting, it wouldn't be possible to follow it all, but I've definitely taken notice of the differing perspectives and come to my own conclusion. And acted.

I find the advice is best for clarifying my own thoughts and expect others do similar. I prefer it when people share their own experiences and how they dealt with it. 'Advice' is often just someone telling another what to do without any knowledge of the wider situation or the people involved. And some posters get unreasonably irked when someone doesn't act immediately forgetting that this strangers life is not theirs and is a real person with several things to consider.

Original poster

northernlight20 · 13/07/2022 07:18

GreyCarpet · 13/07/2022 05:52

I've come here over the years (under different names) to ask for advice.

I had very good advice when I discovered my husband's affair. I didn't follow it all straightaway but there were posts and comments that I took with me and, 10 years on, can still remember word for word and followed in subsequent relationships too. It was all valuable.

I posted before going NC with my mother about the final straw that broke the camel's back. I didn't really need advice as such more just support. Again, it was amazing and left me in no doubt I was doing the right thing.

I tend to filter through the 'reactionary" knee jerk type responses and look for the ones with a measured tone regardless of the content. I don't always agree and, where the advice is conflicting, it wouldn't be possible to follow it all, but I've definitely taken notice of the differing perspectives and come to my own conclusion. And acted.

I find the advice is best for clarifying my own thoughts and expect others do similar. I prefer it when people share their own experiences and how they dealt with it. 'Advice' is often just someone telling another what to do without any knowledge of the wider situation or the people involved. And some posters get unreasonably irked when someone doesn't act immediately forgetting that this strangers life is not theirs and is a real person with several things to consider.

True, I do love reading the replies of people who have had similar experiences to the posters. Thanks for your reply, never really thought it out properly.

OP posts:

Original poster

northernlight20 · 13/07/2022 07:20

not sure what the point of YOUR reply is 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

northernlight20 · 13/07/2022 07:20

@AuntTwacky

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 13/07/2022 09:07

I find the hide button very useful in those circumstances.

cafcass123 · 13/07/2022 09:34

Bunty55 · 13/07/2022 00:48

I think people who are in a very bad situation just need to talk because what else can they do. Its easy to give advice isn't it !

This!

Also, people in a bad situation will need time to think about different bits of advice. They won't make an immediate decision, so it will seem like they're not taking advice, but they will store it away to make a decision when they are in a better place mentally.

Annoyedwithmyself · 13/07/2022 12:05

It's more about laying the situation out, talking it through and coming to your own decision. It's night on impossible to paint the full detail, history etc of whatever is going on so whilst a lot of the advice is very pertinent and helpful, often, through no fault of the posters, it just doesn't quite fit.