Situationship or relationship

[Marie70]

Opinions wanted.

Am I in a situationship or a relationship. You might think this would be a no brained. However!- it's been almost 5 months. Yes I've met family. Yes we have had a break away together for a night. Yes we have had many dates ,Yes he has stayed over numerous times and Yes we have had the talk. So what's the problem I hear you say?! The problem is within that time we have also had a 2 week break because I ended it due to feeling a big disconnect and possibly someone else (😔). To which he swore no. He's very emotionally up and down. More down lately...he's never been one for words of affirmation but his actions have been quite sweet on occasions. He barely keeps in contact when we're apart but I do see him sometimes up to 3 times a week. He lives local. He is extremely distant and emotionally inept to which he has admitted. Their have been moments he's opened up. He has never been big on romance, never been big on compliments or discussing what this is. I've confronted him and he's told me in not a fling yet he never confirms the opposite. He's met my friends and my son (once). I'm feeling very concerned he's with me for sex...to which Is amazing yet that's the only time I sense any feelings from him. He has said he loves my body, loves spending time with me but this seems not enough for me. I recently said to him if he can't see any feelings developing please do not waste my time as I deserve better. He came around to talk (5 mins) and we decided to give it another go yet here I am 3 weeks in and he's going cold again. Thought's!?!?!

I have no idea what a situationship is, but he doesn’t sound like he wants a relationship with you.

Find someone who makes you feel consistently loved and wanted in the way you want to be loved and wanted.

If you stick with someone who behaves like this... well, you'll be in a relationship with someone who behaves like this. Put simply.

He's not the man for you, op. He will never give you what you need emotionally, and he will always make you doubt things and cause you to feel insecure. You're just not compatible.

You know this already so end it. Time to move on.

This all sounds like hard work. Try someone else.

Do you really want this for ever?

Google attachment styles. From what you’ve written you appear to have insecure attachment and your boyfriend appears to have a more avoidant attachment style.

I recently had something similar. He picked a fight one night, accused me of gaslighting him (he couldn't tell me how) and walked out. I put his toothbrush under his windscreen wiper ( he had to take a taxi home after a night shagging, eating my food and drinking my wine). I let him go and frankly, I'm glad I did.

Emotional avoidants make rotten partners, the minute they get a whiff of you wanting more they either manipulate you into ending it or they storm off and ghost... then reappear when they realise they had a good thing.

Dump him and find someone who is willing to be open and honest. He is not worth it. Don't seek closure or to understand, he can't give it to you.

I have spent time googling attachments styles. I also think he may be autistic, he possibly thinks this too. He's a whole load of avoidmant. Yet has great family relationships and is a really kind guy who would help a friend in need. Its so weird.

He's never picked a fight but he's definitely eaten my food and drank my alcohol 🤣. I let his dog stay too. He's said he can see how good I am and he thinks I'm awesome but can't seem to just give me that little bit more clarity

It is rotten. You get everything else and the reliability factor too just not the words of affirmation when you need them. Yet he's very affectionate towards me and doesn't even mind PDA. But I sense you are right!

If it's like this now, so early on, what will it be like in 12 months plus. If you feel it's not working, stop flogging a dead horse.

I have been in this exact situation and it was no fun! His first name doesn’t start with M does it? 😂😂
Het rid. I dragged it out for a year and it never got any better

I ask myself the same. We go way back too. We were just friends back in the day and I was there for him when he split from a gf who he was devastated about 😯🤷‍♀️. 12 years on and boom! We meet and we hit it off immediately...but now its just changed and he is very up and down. I have no idea why. So infuriating!!

No it doesn't 🤣. I've never experienced this before. He's told me I'm gorgeous and lovely and I get the occasional "babe" .. but the last 2 months it's been way harder than it should be at this stage.

It’s not even been a full five months and two of those months you describe as being way harder than it should be Don’t you think deserve better than this?

I've told him I deserve better and I know what I want and not to bother if he can't see himself developing feelings. He came around to talk and I asked him if this meant he wanted to give it another go to which he said yes. However 3 weeks on and i can feel him going distant again. I'm very torn. He's not a bad guy. He just can't handle emotions well. Shame really as everything else is great about him 🤷‍♀️

Too much hard work. Sack him.

It's not worth fighting for, I'd say this is a situationship. You're not feeling honesty and loyalty with him so he doesn't deserve you giving to him.

You don't 'tell someone you deserve better'. You leave when you realise they don't give you what you want.