DP and I moved in together a year ago and there have been some lovely times, and recently we've been bumping along quite smoothly with lots of affection and looking out for each other, but there has also been a lot of irritation (coming from me) and at times downright frustration and a desire to leave the relationship. DP and I have quite good communication, and he has worked on some issues, but it leaves something fundamental at play now which I'm not sure can be solved while living together.
This wobble all stems from how DP freaked when we moved in together. He didn't like how much stuff I had (he didn't bring any furniture etc. but didn't like how I already had everything I needed, so that took weeks to resolve right at the time I was hoping we could bond over the excitement of planning a life together). He said he wasn't sure he loved me/that his feelings were positive enough because he didn't feel excited about the future with me, only very unsure. We've realised since that he doesn't deal with any change well, both inside and outside the relationship. It took me a long time to get over what he said and how he was acting and I'm still not sure I entirely trust that he was ever in love with me, even though he now says he loves me frequently. I chased him in the beginning - and in my worst moods I feel like he just chose to be with me out of convenience (I was his first ever serious relationship). When asked what he loves about me, he says things like "your ability to put up with me" rather than deeper values and traits.
We are very different people. He is quiet, collected, cautious, conservative, and prioritises comfort and relaxing over ambition, progress and drive. He calms me down generally by providing stability to our routine, and I've become a lot less anxious while with him (previously suffered from rushing around and anxious/insecure attachment in relationships often before him). I really value this about him, and we have a lot of private jokes and do sort of 'get' each other. I find him very sweet and he's always looking out for my physical wellbeing. But over the last year I've been wondering if this is enough. Our sex life, which was amazing before we started living together, has suffered - when he kisses or touches me, I feel nothing. It's neither pleasant or unpleasant, and I just can't get turned on by him. I'm pretty sure this stems from me feeling frustrated seeing him spend nearly all his free time playing video games, and feel like my respect for him intellectually and practically has really suffered, because I still fantasize about how it could be different. On the other hand, he's a lot more calm and caring than I realised before we moved in together, and I do value the serenity he brings to the relationship. We're like really good friends and I feel good when he's physically nearby.
What I'm questioning is whether this serenity and affection is enough. I've spoken to friends about this (he's a solid, considerate friend and they really like him) and the consensus seems to be that I wouldn't have all these frequent thoughts of separating if being with him was enough. I think I'm after something deeper - I think a real mutual appreciation/compatibility of each other's gifts, values, and personality that would give us both a sexual/romantic spark that would last - but then I think of how lovely he is generally and want to cry. I wonder if I'm just chasing the infatuation high that I know I absolutely get a kick from at the beginning of relationships (and I've had more than a few). I look at my friends' relationships and what I really admire is when they can debate together and yet appreciate each other and be open to different views at the same time. My DP doesn't seem interested in my mind/deeper intellectual thought at all, or disagrees with me stubbornly when I offer opinions on abstract questions or solutions to practical issues (even when I suspect he would agree if he was discussing with someone else). So I think we have a fundamental mutual disrespect issue going on and generally feel emotionally stunted.
Would a trial separation (say for a month) be the answer? Has anyone been in this situation and can advise? Thank you for reading this so far, and any replies would be appreciated.