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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am STUCK!!

15 replies

curlygirl84 · 11/07/2022 23:51

Me and my partner have been together for 7 yrs. This weekend is our anniversry and I don't think he evens cares to do anything. I ALREADY sat down with him and said that I am not happy with this relationship. HE agreed and said he has not been happy as-well because I nag to much... when I asked him, do you know why I nag his response was silence/nothing. AM I overthinking this??

I feel like I am stuck because I don't feel I want to be in this relationship no more.
we have 2 kids together and basically he don't want to support me with nothing.
HE DONT make no effort on anything. I give my all but I don't get nothing back.

I explained to him I am worth lot a more and somehow he has lost sight how good of a women I am.. I feel like I cant breath, at times I feel like I don't want to come home because I feel so depressed and sad. HE said I cant give you nothing go and find someone else and then shuts himself off...

I am stuck AND DONT KNOW WHAT DO...

have anyone experienced anything like this...x

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 12/07/2022 06:17

You’re not stuck; you need to end it because you’re both unhappy so work out how to separate

Barbelldance · 12/07/2022 06:22

:( sorry to hear.
Sounds like you're not happy and you would be happier if you both separated, is this an option for you and children ?

He sounds like he wants this as he's not willing to open up, talk, change or provide support for one another.

Just make sure that if you do separate,, he supports you and the children in any way (emotionally, financially).

You could both be happier alone :)
It will definitely be challenging but think about it.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 12/07/2022 10:18

Barbelldance · 12/07/2022 06:22

:( sorry to hear.
Sounds like you're not happy and you would be happier if you both separated, is this an option for you and children ?

He sounds like he wants this as he's not willing to open up, talk, change or provide support for one another.

Just make sure that if you do separate,, he supports you and the children in any way (emotionally, financially).

You could both be happier alone :)
It will definitely be challenging but think about it.

Thank you...

I am nowhere happy.. I have said that to him, HE IS NOT WILLING TO TALK OR CHANGE. IT IS SO MUCH I CAN SAY AND DO.. THE FEELING I GET IS COMPLETELY OPPOSITE. I AM SO TIERD ..

IT will be challenging god knows... but I cant stay wit someone who don't want to uplift the other..

but he won't go... I just don't know he would stick around....it is doing my head..

I appreciate you...thanks dear...x

OP posts:
something2say · 12/07/2022 10:20

Time to stop flogging the dead horse and start planning how to separate. You will be coming back to life soon, I can feel it x

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 12/07/2022 10:21

Shoxfordian · 12/07/2022 06:17

You’re not stuck; you need to end it because you’re both unhappy so work out how to separate

he don't want to work out nothing... he barely speaks to me....
I feel like I am single and living on my own....

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/07/2022 10:21

What is the situation re the property and finances?. Are you names as part of a mortgage or tenancy agreement?.

Shoxfordian · 12/07/2022 10:38

Work it out on your own then and leave him

oobeedoobee · 12/07/2022 10:41

You're not stuck. You just need to start doing things to make a permanent split happen. He won't, so it must be you who makes plans and then carries them out.

You already know that you would be much happier alone, and it seems that he thinks the same thing too, but neither of you is willing to make the first move to separate.

If he's a 'partner' and not a 'husband', then it'll be easier to make the split, but you'll need to plan.

Who's name is on the house, and are you renting or own ? If you're renting, then you could let your landlord know you're splitting up and ask if he's got any other properties you might be able to rent on your own with the kids ?

You'll need to work out how you're going to afford rent/bills etc on your own too, so get checking what benefits you'd be entitled to e.g Child Tax Credit/ Universal credit etc because benefits may well make up the shortfall in money every month. You can apply for benefits even though you are still living in the same property, just tell them you've separated and are looking to move out asap etc.
Also get an application in to claim child maintenance from him (just Google child maintenance online). Just because you're separating, that doesn't mean he doesn't have to keep supporting his kids financially.

Once you've organised your cash flow, you'll know what you can afford to rent and you'll be able to look for a new place (maybe even take over your current house, but in your name only).

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 12/07/2022 16:12

something2say · 12/07/2022 10:20

Time to stop flogging the dead horse and start planning how to separate. You will be coming back to life soon, I can feel it x

Thank you for your encouragements.. really appreciate it..x

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 12/07/2022 16:20

Make a plan to split up. Housing, finances, contact for the kids. Be practical and proactive. Have a rant if you want to but spend more time on making progress to leave him than wallowing on how wrong it’s all gone. You feel unappreciated, he probably does too and you’re both bad at communicating. You know it’s over so just get on with leaving. You chose to have kids with him so try and approach coparenting once you’re apart in a mature, respectful, flexible way.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 12/07/2022 16:25

oobeedoobee · 12/07/2022 10:41

You're not stuck. You just need to start doing things to make a permanent split happen. He won't, so it must be you who makes plans and then carries them out.

You already know that you would be much happier alone, and it seems that he thinks the same thing too, but neither of you is willing to make the first move to separate.

If he's a 'partner' and not a 'husband', then it'll be easier to make the split, but you'll need to plan.

Who's name is on the house, and are you renting or own ? If you're renting, then you could let your landlord know you're splitting up and ask if he's got any other properties you might be able to rent on your own with the kids ?

You'll need to work out how you're going to afford rent/bills etc on your own too, so get checking what benefits you'd be entitled to e.g Child Tax Credit/ Universal credit etc because benefits may well make up the shortfall in money every month. You can apply for benefits even though you are still living in the same property, just tell them you've separated and are looking to move out asap etc.
Also get an application in to claim child maintenance from him (just Google child maintenance online). Just because you're separating, that doesn't mean he doesn't have to keep supporting his kids financially.

Once you've organised your cash flow, you'll know what you can afford to rent and you'll be able to look for a new place (maybe even take over your current house, but in your name only).

I feel like I am...

I am renting and the tenancy agreement is in my name but he thinks we both are on it..but little does he knows...

he won't leave I asked him to go and get somewhere but he wants me to leave...smh...I got the kids where shall I go with them..is not like he is with them or does anything constructive with them...

At this point none of these is good on my health...

OP posts:
kewgirl · 12/07/2022 16:25

He has told you to find someone else
He is being honest
It may not be what you want to hear but he has been clear that you are not going to see any change

takeitandleaveit · 12/07/2022 16:30

curlygirl84 · 12/07/2022 16:25

I feel like I am...

I am renting and the tenancy agreement is in my name but he thinks we both are on it..but little does he knows...

he won't leave I asked him to go and get somewhere but he wants me to leave...smh...I got the kids where shall I go with them..is not like he is with them or does anything constructive with them...

At this point none of these is good on my health...

Show quote history

If the tenancy is in your sole name and you and the children live there, then he is the one who needs to leave, not you and the kids.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 12/07/2022 16:33

kewgirl · 12/07/2022 16:25

He has told you to find someone else
He is being honest
It may not be what you want to hear but he has been clear that you are not going to see any change

Yeas thats absolutely fine... I am okey with it trust me.. I said he can go and look for somewhere else...what bothers me he don't want to leave and when he is around he done lift a finger.. he wants me to leave....

I know I won't see no change and I have mentally gone off him...simple as that.. I want him to leave me to move forward with my life....

OP posts:
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