I wish I asked someone else to be my maid of honour ... what should I do!

[humanspud]

Advice please?

My boyfriend proposed to me a few years ago, I shortly after asked one of my sisters to be my maid of honour however, I regret this decision and now I don't know what to do. The main reason I asked her was because of thought it would make her really happy to get that role for her baby sister but in reality she try's to mould and change me at any given opportunity she gets. She doesn't accept me for who I am by this I mean if I wasn't her sister she wouldn't even consider even being associated with me. I'm the type of person she would judge (she's very judgmental if someone doesn't fit her box) she's got two children and had christening for both, she asked out eldest sister to be godmother for one and me for neither... totally left me out.

My eldest sister isn't bothered about wedding roles etc and tbh would be happier not to be a bridesmaid because she hates that kind of attention and finds things like that uncomfortable... The person I should've asked is my boyfriends sister because she's been my rock for years now and I'd be lost without her she's my best friend.

I know my sister hasn't spared my feelings previously but I still don't want to upset her regardless... what should I do!

Have you set a date for the wedding? Does she mention regularly about being your MoH?

If it were me, I think I'd give her another important (but less involved) job for the day. Be a witness and sign the register or do a reading.

Actually, after reading your post again, I'd sack her off altogether. She doesn't sound like a very nice person and if she doesn't support you generally then you don't need her as a MoH.

@ghostbusters, no she doesn't mention it. However that's because I know we won't be getting married or setting dates in the near future. But at some point this will need addressing. Don't get me wrong there's many wonderful things about my sister, however she never moulded me into a mini her which is what she always wanted and can't get her head around. She does love me, but she's set in her own ways.

@ghostbusters for example she mocks everything that makes me, wether it's my hair, tan, makeup, clothing. (There's literally nothing out there about me by the way, not to blow my trumpet but I dress nicely etc so I don't understand her problem...) she had a party previously and I gig doing music and one her friends asked me to sing and she piped up straight away like "NO, this is my party and that wouldn't be fair" basically she didn't want me to "steal lime light" like it was a basic house party with a few friends ... 🥲 this is just an example of what I mean.

When I asked her to be maid of honour I had written it on a letter with a Pandora charm as a gift... she gave the charm to her daughter who at the time would've been probably around 4 ... because she liked it and really wanted it. (She also collects Pandora charms for her) ... am I just over thinking that this is really rude of her to not keep the charm for her own? Or is it not that bad considering she's my niece? I mean I didn't mind when she first told me she had given her it but now when I think about it I mean it was supposed to be a sentimental gift for her?

If you have not set a date and won't be getting married for years and she doesn't talk about it I would just forget about it until you have set a date and then I'd say

'do you still want to be bridesmaid?'
if she says yes say
'Grand, I'm also asking Jean'
then have both of them.

Bridesmaids aren't actually in charge of anything if you don't put them in charge of anything.

Do nothing until you actually set a date.
It’s weird that you even asked someone without a planned wedding.

Can I add that we originally had a date when I asked her, however later in the year we ended up having to cancel due to costs etc.

@underneaththeash

You are putting too much thought into this and making it into something big when it isn't. It's not necessary to buy people charms when you ask them to be your bridesmaid in a wedding that hasn't even got a date.

A bridesmaid is just someone who wears a dress and goes around with you on the wedding day. That's it. It's a blip on the radar for them, a nice experience but not some huge deal.

It's not her you are marrying. She doesn't need a sentimental gift to mark an occasion that isn't even in the pipeline.

Cut costs by not buying people Pandora Charms when you ask them to be bridesmaids.

I think you should have who you want to have as a bridesmaid but you have asked her now and you have gone the extra mile by marking the proposal with a sentimental gift. Just have two bridesmaids if you want your future SIL as well.