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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please!!

7 replies

Elvisislifexxx · 11/07/2022 18:29

How do you know if the spark has gone out of your marriage, the spontanious things you used to do has gone, i know people get older etc,and all that slows down but i still love that sort of stuff, TMI i know, but the stage where you used to rip eachothers clothes off,cant keep your hands off eachother, has anyone ever got it back? I want the butterflies back! I actually want him to make an effort,like he used to do little things just because he knew i liked them, TMI but he used to make love, hes not an emotional person,doesnt talk about feelings,but that was the only time he would,he would tell me how much he loved me,he couldnt live life without me etc etc,hasnt happened in years...i only have to ask him to make me a cup of tea and he says hes made loads where as in reality hes made 1! I said to him earlier, id walk over hot coal for you, you wouldnt for me,he just didnt respond,and that again was because i asked for a cup of tea,i was trying to state id do anything for you but you dont for me, kind of getting a little MEH about it all tbh, P.s i have kind of dropped hints, we aint the sort of people to sit down and have deep conversations about that sort of stuff,he kind of just snaps and ends up in a argument, thing is,he spoils me,buys me anything i want or need but when he brings that up, i tell him im really greatful and i love the gifts but i want effection and hel say, i tell you i love you everyday,but thats not enough for me IYSWIM,starting to think, has it just turned into a marriage of conveniance for him or does he still genuinly want me! He tells me im beautiful still, am i wanting to much? i dont know, i make alot of effort and pride in the way i look, for myself but mainly for him, Atm im treading carefully as weve had some bad family news so have to watch what im saying,hence the post on MN,any advice would be appreciated.Thankyou

OP posts:
ZeroFucksGiven20 · 11/07/2022 19:34

I think it's normal as relationships go on that wanting to rip eachothers clothes off goes away a bit. Me and DP are best friends and make eachother laugh so have that as a good foundation....we are 10 years in. Also don't have sex as much anymore but when we do it's fantastic and I always say it was worth the wait 😅 life gets in the way sometimes but I think it's important to have that good friendship foundation. Being able to have deep chats is part of that so i'd say ur DP needs to work on opening up. How you want to go about it is upto you but I don't think relationships are sustainable without that emotional connection, telling eachother anything and everything.

Elvisislifexxx · 11/07/2022 20:01

I tell him everything, 100% my best friend,we do have a laugh, only way i can explain him,hes very ole fashioned,old fashioned way (like his grandad,spent alot of his his childhood with him) way TMI im sorry! but when we first met,9 years ago, we stayed up all night, having s** could be upto 8 times, it can happen every nown again,not 8 times mind! im still the same now,where as hes not, i fully understand,life gets in the way,being alot older,work etc, i just miss it, i miss the connection that came with it, after i lost a baby, hes become way to cautious, i cant go ontop unless its planned with contraception to the side of us, TMI again sorry! I want the butterflies back, not everyday the same routine etc..getting a little meh with it.

OP posts:
Elvisislifexxx · 13/07/2022 08:08

Bump

OP posts:
Glitterspy · 13/07/2022 08:12

OP have a google and look at love languages. I think it applies to what you’re talking about here.

fedup078 · 13/07/2022 08:18

I think a lot of long term relationships will go flat to a point
You need to ask yourself how you will feel if you split up and he finds someone else whilst you never find that 'spark' with someone else again
As that's a possibility

Catlover1970 · 13/07/2022 16:49

Elvisislifexxx · 11/07/2022 20:01

I tell him everything, 100% my best friend,we do have a laugh, only way i can explain him,hes very ole fashioned,old fashioned way (like his grandad,spent alot of his his childhood with him) way TMI im sorry! but when we first met,9 years ago, we stayed up all night, having s** could be upto 8 times, it can happen every nown again,not 8 times mind! im still the same now,where as hes not, i fully understand,life gets in the way,being alot older,work etc, i just miss it, i miss the connection that came with it, after i lost a baby, hes become way to cautious, i cant go ontop unless its planned with contraception to the side of us, TMI again sorry! I want the butterflies back, not everyday the same routine etc..getting a little meh with it.

You sound very immature. Sorry

LucyLongSocks · 13/07/2022 18:39

The butterflies pretty much go and don't come back when you've been with the same person for years. That's natural.

Your situation doesn't sound horrendous. He spoils you with gifts and tells you, you are beautiful. Im sure he does other things too. See these as his way of telling you you mean the world to him. Men are sometimes not great at conveying their thoughts and feelings. But they do it in other ways.

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