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Relationships

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Would you take the risk

2 replies

Pugonarug · 10/07/2022 20:00

Been with partner for over a year, we spoke early on about both wanting marriage and children in our futures so knew we were on the same page about what we wanted in life.

Today I asked him what his time frame would be for marriage and children. His reply threw me off a bit as he said he wants to get married next year and maybe children if we get time before fertility runs low. I told him this was a dealbreaker for me as being in our 30s with a history of early menopause I’d like to start trying soon after getting married or possibly before marriage as we will need to save up first. i got the impression he didn’t want children by his response. When he realised I was going to leave him for this he suddenly said he wants children asap and we can ttc next year. I’m now in two minds whether to trust this information as he could delay it further when the time comes to begin ttc. Although he’s entitled to change his mind or not want children I’m hurt he didn’t raise the subject before and only when I asked. Then decided he did want children soon when I said I’m not willing to wait years.

if your partner said this to you would you take him at his word or move on and find someone else before you run out of time?
i do love him and want a future with him but not if he is dangling my dreams in my face with no security of it happening. I’m willing to be told I’m over reacting

OP posts:
DivorcedAndDelighted · 10/07/2022 20:09

I'd take him at his word, knowing that you can move on next year if he backs out.
Tbh his reaction sounds decent to me. No waffling, just "OK, let's do it". And a year is really not a long relationship, so it suggests great seriousness that you're having this discussion now. Honestly, it seems almost as if you'd not have been happy with anything less than him chasing after you saying "Please have my babies right now". And wouldn't that have some of us wondering if it was a red flag as he was too keen / irresponsible?

Pugonarug · 10/07/2022 20:16

Yes I guess you’re right, it just threw me off that he was dead set on children to then appear to want to delay that area. He thinks marriage is more important than having children, which is fine if that’s how he feels. But for me as a woman in my 30s I’d rather have children as marriage doesn’t have a sell by date. Thanks for replying

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