Feeling lust - caused by chemistry or looks/charisma

[TossACoinToYerWitcher]

Just wondered really - I think we’ve all had moments when you see/meet someone and they immediately get you hot under the collar. But is this based on the individual - e.g they’re in great physical shape, tall dark and handsome or otherwise have great charisma and confidence - or unique chemistry, that you can’t put your finger on - e.g they look and seem average or unconventional to everyone else but for some reason they immediately make you want to tear their clothes off?

Basically, do we tend to lust after lust-inducing people who seem to have that “certain something” or is it more personal taste?

I don’t think so, good looking is good looking, so most people would want to tear their clothes off.

I think in women, it's mostly hormone -induced, while still in your fertility prime, I'm saying this as someone who had a good, high sex drive but since childbirth, have struggled to find any men (including the ones I'd previously found very attractive) visually and sexually appealing. Post partum hormones slump has ruined my libido, no idea if it will ever return. Maybe it's perimenopause??

Personal taste for sure. But the one thing I find the absolute most attractive in a man is someone who flirts with me and makes me feel attractive myself!

For me there seems to be a unique chemistry I can't put my finger on.

I vote unique chemistry. I have met many attractive men that while I can appreciate they are good looking I didn't feel any intense sexual attraction towards them which I have felt towards average men by physical comparison but whom I found absolutely gorgeous. I'm not sure what it is exactly, maybe pheromones? The real kicker is when the feeling is mutual and then it's sparks flying everywhere even others notice how giddy and nervous you are around each other!😍

Unique personal taste, definitely

Unique chemistry definitely. Not being modest, but I've had some very classically good looking men interested in me that I have felt nothing towards. They may have well have been a painting for all the interest I've had towards them. My DP was instant, incredible and strong chemistry and still is. I've never fancied anyone more in my life and yet he isn't conventionally attractive.

@JohnnyPoonani Hehe. I wouldn't like it if people were looking at me like that, especially watching me on a first date! It's basically being reality TV for other people.

My XP was an instant chemistry, couldn’t keep my hands off him and he made me weak at the knees when he kissed me etc. I also thought he was super handsome but I know other people didn’t necessarily see it, so I think it was more of a personal connection than him being classically good looking.

He thought he was very handsome too, so it may have been a confidence thing too!

I know I wasn’t his usual type and he clearly felt very attracted towards me even though I don’t think he would have looked twice at me in the street, so for us both I’d say it was chemistry. It made me overlook some massive issues in our relationship tbh so next time i’ll be looking with my eyes and my brain, not my nose and my nether regions

I don’t tend to go for classically good looking tbh. I go for a chunky man over a gym body, and would choose kind eyes over a chiselled jaw.

I think it's more chemistry than good looks. It's the feels in't it?! When I've been in love there is a connection that I've not felt with others

I think it's hormones too as @anthurium pointed out. I used to be more "sensitive" to sexual attraction/the "spark" etc but nowadays nearing 40 I'm starting to feel less and less of it towards men I used to feel this level of attraction, it's probably the change in hormones as well general jadedness of life which is making me feel less and less interested in men in the general. It's sort of good as I see them for what they are rather than be blinded by a hormonal response.

I felt it with my partner at the end of our first date. I thought he was good looking at the beginning, but wasn't my usual type so wasn't up for a second date. We went for a meal after the activity we had been doing & got talking properly & something clicked. Can't explain it, just thought I want to be with this man. We're 3 years in & I still enjoy his company. We've had a few ups & downs, but I still look at him & think he's gorgeous.

What I find attractive in a man has changed over the years for me. When I was in my twenties, I was attracted more to looks and I only wanted to date men who were much taller than me.
Now what I find attractive has more to do with personal qualities such as intelligence, kindness, humbleness and the ability to listen to you and "see" you as you are. Not very easy to find in a man as they are usually quite selfish and self-centered.
I'm very short and now I find short men attractive as long as I can sense the qualities listed above.

I think it can be chemistry, something you can't quite put your finger on it. There was a guy I met o na night out, we met up the next day sober and the chemistry was still crazy. He came to visit me and I knew if I wanted to NOT snog him I needed to sit out of reach. The need to just kiss him and touch him was something I've never experienced since and he seemed to reciprocate. Alas he had some MH stuff going on and it didn't really go THERE and we lived SO far away from each other. But my god, if we'd been able to make it work we'd have never left the bedroom.

To a lesser extent there's been guys who objectively I know aren't good looking, but there been a spark, just a frisson of something

Good looking isn't good looking tho. Not everyone thinks Chris Hemsworth is the most GORGEOUS man in Earth, some might not like blondes, or guys with long hair or muscle men. My friend favours rough looking bald men. There's one man at the school gate we agree on, but another friend totally cannot see it.

I agree with the hormones. I'm in my early 40s and I reckon my body knows the clock is ticking. I know instantly when I'm fertile because I will quite literally find myself physically attracted to any man walking with a pulse. Then a week later, I have the ick about every man in the universe, including poor DH!

I've only been like this the last couple of years. So I reckon this is the perimenopause beginning?

I’ve had a giant crush on someone for months, and obviously find him terribly attractive, but I distinctly remember first meeting him and thinking ‘Oh, slick suited type, ho hum, not my thing’, even though other people clearly found him attractive. It was only when I got to know him, and realised he was observant and funny and clever and kind and thoughtful, continually put himself out for me, and remembered every word I’d ever said to him, however trivial, that I started finding him physically compelling.

Definitely chemistry. Some of the sexiest men I've ever met haven't been conventionally attractive.

Chemistry now. 100%. Yet. I remember being absolutely crazy about some singers in my teens... For sure I was not alone. I am laughing at myself on my sofa. Youth !

Someone once said to me that its actually shared values that sparks intense sexual attraction and, although it's not the sexiest theory, I think they were right.

You obviously don't know a person's values when you first see them, but it's definitely a vibe you pick up on.