Good morning
I'm looking for some advice please. For 18 months I was involved with and had a ten month relationship with someone who likely has a cluster b personalty disorder. He was beyond your average jerk. He played alot of nasty mind games. He was a compulsive liar. Liked his women. Obsessed with an ex partner. Angry. A sober alcoholic. Did alot of story changing. Leaving put details. Confusing me. Putting me down. Trying to make me feel I needed to change my appearance. Draining my money. He had me buying his food and paying his bills for 8 months because he was unable to work due to his health.
The relationship was up and down and that made it hard for me to get out. But 13 weeks ago today I left his home for the last time and didn't return. He kinda helped me in a way because he blocked me everywhere so I couldn't communicate.
The problem was he had his passport. All his paper work. Jewellery. Photos. Paintings. Some clothes and other sentimental bits at my house. He wanted them stored as his landlord was taking him to court (6 months didn't pay rent and landlord wanted him out) but also I honestly don't know the extent to his debt. He owed hundreds in council tax and I believe it was them that threatened to take valuables from the property.
After we broke up I sent him a list of the things he promised to pay me back for the following week. On the 4th May he was due to pay me £500. He had various things from me that month. On average he was having £500 a month from me including food and only paying me back £350-£400. My money was draining away. But I felt I had no choice as half the time his electric was off. Also I didn't realise during the relationship how abusive it was.
Obviously the money didn't arrive. But from a week after we separated I asked him about his stuff. I gave him various offers in the first 6 weeks. I only could do this via email and when that was ignored I went to a male cousin of his and he did his upmost to help. But My ex started attacking his cousin verbally and saying it and between us. He then told him I was mad. I was immature. Out of order. His cousin tried to say I just wanted to sort the property he had with me and the money. Eventually they fell out. The cousin cut him off and my ex got angrier towards me but didn't communicate.
I sent him an email polite and to the point every 4 weeks (4 in total) I was ignored.
I was told via mutual friends he had left the property eventually and took a few bags around the corner. We presumed he'd been housed by the council and I awaited a message regarding his stuff. But nothing came.
3 weeks after this I was sent a photo of him stood outside my friends house with a new woman. I didn't particularly want to see this but it upset me and once again I tried to get him to email me about his stuff. I wanted him fully out my life. He ignored me. So I spoke to a female cousin of his. She's been nice to me and did warn me how he was. She's the only family member he has left. All others have cut him off. She told Me to send it 3 hours to her. He apparently agreed to this.
I told her no as it contained alot of glass.
It would be a nightmare for me as a non driver to get it weighed.
I'd need to go to town and buy bubblewrap etc.
It would cost me alot of money.
I'd need to arrange a courier after all that and I'd never done it before.
It was heavy.
I'm busy with My own life. He lives in the same town.
Why should I do anything else. If he wants to send it to her he can collect it and do it.
She responded he's sofa surfing and has nowhere to live. She then said it looked like I was holding on. I was then sent a screen shot of her saying I was nuts and hanging onto him.
The next day my ex finally got in touch. He said you have been reported today for harassment! I have a crime number.
I sent him an email with his stuff in my garden behind a bin and said come and collect it today. He didn't turn up. I was told by the male cousin the female cousin said he was working away all week. I said I'll put it out at rhe weekend then if he's back. No confirmation of him being back. I qas ignored and stuff has not been collected.
I never heard from the police. But I'm feeling anxious. He's being very sneaky and very clever. He's also lying. I have all evidence of emails so I'm not worried. I've not once said anything about our relationship or anything with any emotion since April.
What do I do at this stage? Should I get advice from someone? I'm just distressed by the whole thing. He's sofa surfing at rhe homes of ex addicts and thieves. I'm still finding out lies. The most recent one is the car he told me has been in the garage for 2 years was sold by his ex. He apparently owed her alot of money (she weirdly is his friend still)
I'm fed up I am not from his walk of life. He has a history of fighting. Drink driving znd car crashes. I didn't know all this until it was top late.
Any advice I am desperate.