I rant on here often about my partner and the way he treats me. He talks down to me and now I have no confidence in myself left. This is not usually like me.
Everything I do is wrong, he makes digs at me and has implied multiple times I'm not good at being a mum, which is the worst thing anyone can say ever. I do everything for my children and they are well behaved, intelligent and healthy. I don't know what I'm supposedly doing so wrong with them??
He gives me the silent treatment A LOT for weeks at a time. I confronted him today as it takes soooo much courage to talk to him. I'm talking full on heart racing, stomach ache anxiety. I ended up just ranting (I usually do not speak to him about problems as he's usually nasty over anything so I hold shit it) I ended up saying he wasn't a good person and because for some reason I couldn't think of any examples of times he's put me down or been rude because I was on the spot and anxious, it basically means I'm making it up. He also kept saying "okay. okay. okay." every time I spoke or started smirking or laughing at me, which you can imagine is infuriating. Then he turned the whole thing round to ME being the nasty one because I said he isn't a good person.
Honestly, I'm never rude to him or say things like that and I know it was nasty. But I meant it. He really IS nasty. I was full on sobbing like when you can't breathe properly. He absolutely refuses to accept any responsibility for the way he treats me. He refuses to accept he's not nice.
My family and friends are worried about me as I'm not myself anymore and I'm just quiet or sad all the time.
I have nowhere to go. No money as I'm the sahm with a small amount of UC to my name every month that I use for bills. I can't save it as it all goes on water/council tax and food clothes for the kids or whatever they need etc.
I am too scared to get a job as I can't afford nursery and I've been my brother's carer for so many years until I had my 2 year old. So no experience really.
My mum keeps saying go to the council, but I know for a fact they are going to turn me away. I don't know where to go or who to contact for help. I'm not being abused so I'm not a priority. I completely understand so many women need help before me.
I feel like a waste of life and oxygen. I can't stop crying. If I didn't have the kids, I would just leave and sit outside all night.
I feel so alone and sad.
I just had to share my thoughts with you guys or it would eat me up all night.