Is this the end?

[SeraphinaAngelina]

Been with my partner for just over 4 years, lived together since December 2019. Had a baby in October 2021 (traumatic birth, baby in NICU for a while). Bought a house that needed a lot of work (stress) in January and moved in in April.

There’s a lot of background as to why there’s anger and resentment (from me).

Recently, I’ve been basically communicating in a way I can only describe as verbally abusive. It’s like I can’t control the words coming out of my mouth. I’ve tried to talk to my partner in a measured, adult way, I’ve tried texting him my feelings so as not to cause an argument, I’ve resorted to shouting to make him see that we need help to save our relationship. It’s all fell on deaf ears. He’s the type that wants to brush everything under the rug and forget all the bad things. I don’t feel this is feasible as there’s still issues I think need resolving.

After another argument last night, there was some awful stuff said from both sides and now it seems like the relationship is definitely done.

I have been conflicted for a while (since my daughters birth) about whether I want the relationship to continue. But I thought it was just hormones and PND.

I don’t even know what I’m asking here. I’ve booked counselling for myself but not sure if it’ll even help.

Have you made a list of pros and cons of the relationship?

@PetalParty i actually did this a couple of years ago. We were transitioning out of the honeymoon period and into the phase where you conflict and sort things out and agree to commit. The list of pros was long and there were literally only 2 cons. I haven’t done it recently though. I will do it tonight.

I’m not sure it’s salvageable because of all the nasty things said. I don’t think he would agree to couples counselling. It all feels very sad.

Hopeful bump

PND lovely. Seek dr help and don't be ashamed to take meds. Sertraline sorted me out after suffering extreme PND.

I could of wrote this post myself, I'm sorry you are going through this, when I had my DS something happened and I kind of changed I don't know what so I'm guessing hormones but I became so so angry, cold, resentful I'd drive passed people and yell out the window when they did something wrong or cut me up, this wasn't me at all, I tried so many different things to get help/advice from PND charity's and counselling and nothing ever came of it the advice was either take antidepressants or just do some mindful self care and I really felt isolated from the world like no one really understood, sorry for the long post but what I can say now is that time has gone by (2 years since birth) and I'm becoming more me each day, they say hormones can take upto 2 years plus to resemble some sort of normal however I think I/ you may just be unlucky in that they didn't magically go back to normal, my advice is try and put things into perspective what stopped me feeling angry was perspective, thinking of people who don't have what I have and how lucky I am and when I'm shouting at someone maybe dealing with the fact I'm not being nice so I try every day to do something nice for someone to make myself feel not so angry/ worthless. I hope you get more advice and I just really wanted to say your not alone x

It sounds like you are struggling to be heard. You have had an awful lot on your plate and sounds like you have reached boiling point. I definitely think the counselling is a good idea. Hormones do also play a massive part, so maybe worth looking into. I would say try these things out first and once you are feeling in yourself then think about how you feel about your relationship.

Thank you everyone. My psychiatrist prescribed sertraline last week, just waiting on the prescription. I also have bipolar disorder so everything that’s been happening has really impacted my mental health and my partner hasn’t been supportive at all.

@Penguinparty88 I’m sorry you went through this as well. I’ve found myself getting really irritated with everything. I was arguing with my mum the other week as well, over the issues with my partner right enough. I’m just exhausted.

I’ve got the counselling session this week so hopefully that’ll help to clear my mind a bit.