DP can't give eye contact

[JulyDreams]

Apologies as I wasn't sure what topic to post this under.

DP doesn’t give anyone eye contact and I’m starting to think it’s a bit odd.

When we are in large groups or even a group of friends he looks at me mainly even when he is talking to someone else? And when he answers
someone he looks at me. Anyone know what this may mean?

I’ve mentioned it to him before but he doesn’t seem to take notice of what I say or even see it as cause of concern. It is quite noticeable when we meet new people.

He is like it with family sometimes also until about an hour and he will warm up. Is this anxiety or something like self confidence?

Both. I realised ages ago I had stopped being able to do eye contact
Had 9 months of counselling for something else and managed to solve it. It's hard to break once you're in the habit

It's so sad when I see it happening. He has always been like it but been worse past few years.

He has always been quite sheltered in his life, as I'm always had money etc parents have always looked after him. I don't know if it's something to do with being out his comfort zone.

I'm autistic, I can't do eye contact. It's a real struggle. Even with people I love.

I don't even realise I'm not maintaining eye contact during conversations most of the time.

Sorry to hear that @oneofusgobble xxx

DP isn't autistic. I do think he suffers with anxiety

My sons the same - 21 he can in certain situations that are within his comfort zone. But if too many folks, too noisy or busy etc he’ll struggle. He is on the spectrum.

I know a few people like this. My DH isn't great at it and I wonder if that's partly because his ex wife never makes eye contact. She finds it really hard but has a technique of looking just over your shoulder, so she's facing you but not making eye contact.
Is he aware of doing this? He shouldn't be made to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable but there might be some strategies he could employ to feel more at ease.

I'm terrible with eye contact. I really struggle with it. My friends and family are aware and are fine with it. In work or professional situations such as interviews I have learned coping strategies to deal with it. I do have anxiety so it could be that. I also suspect I am autistic. My two youngest daughters both are and it was suggested to me by a mental health professional in work that I have traits.

Social anxiety.

I'm autistic and can't do eye contact either. It's not unusual for for those of us who are on the spectrum.
I wish neurotypical people would stop thinking that we are odd or weird because we aren't.
Also many older people (35+) who are considered to be "high functioning " haven't had a diagnosis because they can mask and it just wasn't picked up.
Anxiety is also common in people with asd too.
Tbh you are coming across as very abilist and need to stop bringing it up with your dp before you give him a complex over it as you do not know that he hasn't got asd only that he doesn't have a diagnosis

I'm autistic and think it's odd to stare at people's eyeballs. I do look at their face as I talk to them, maybe not the whole time, but I make sure they know I'm paying attention.

How do you know he isn't autistic?

It is odd. It makes more sense to look at their mouths, since that is where the sound is coming from and it can also help with deciphering what they are saying if you can't hear them that well due to ambient noise.
It's just one of those silly social norms adopted by the herd. If you fail to do it, people think it's odd.
There are cultural differences too.

Please don't pressure your D.P, it sounds like social anxiety, especially as you say he relaxes after a while when he feels more comfortable. He looks at you for reassurance l expect. Eye contact can be very difficult for some, it is quite an intimate social practice if you think about it.

I probably don't do proper eye contact, I can't look at someone's eyes and listen to what they are saying at the same time. So I don't. If it bothers you that much then rethink your relationship.

He has always been quite sheltered in his life, as I'm always had money etc parents have always looked after him. I don't know if it's something to do with being out his comfort zone.

So you feel something is wrong with him and with the way he has been brought up. You are starting to treat him as a fixer-upper - you don't want the pain of a break-up but you don't like him the way he is either. You want to be with him if you can fix him or if you can stop it bothering you. Neither of those are going to happen.

If you don't have children with him then think hard because it's best to break up before you do.

Why is it sad?