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Relationships

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Stagnant long standing friendships

3 replies

Random4321 · 09/07/2022 10:59

I am mid 40s and interested in what others do with long standing friendships that just exist but aren't particularly meaningful at this point.

One for me is a friend I met at Uni and we later became roommates and very close friends for about 10 years. Over time the friendship distanced but we always kept in touch. The frienship has had a couple bumps over the years where things cooled off for awhile and each time we resumed the friendship it was less meaningful. I think we both feel a sense of duty to keep in touch occasionally but the texting has dwindled to every few weeks or more and the content is pretty perfunctory and repetitive. The generic how are you, how's work, how's the family etc. Recently she had a celebratory event in her family and I had reached out to say congrats etc and it was a couple weeks before I received a basic answer back. I think that is just where we are at.

On one level it would be easy to let it go and let the texting slowly fade to nothing but we have years of great memories together, a circle of mutual friends, and I do know that if I ever really needed her, she would still drop everything and come (and vice versa).

Curious as to what others do. There is no ill feelings. Do you keep the occasional contact going or do you let it slowly end?

OP posts:
Mary46 · 09/07/2022 13:55

Op with mine I just let it go. Always busy busy. Must check diary. Just zero effort. No big fallout. I just feel it needs be 2 way effort. Wont bump into her as she not too near me. We at different life stages too even with kids

Transformatio · 09/07/2022 15:45

I'm late forties and I started just letting them go a few years ago.

I've also come off social media - which has hastened it a bit in some cases. I had lots of uni friends/acquaintances on there and it started to feel a bit weird even liking posts as it has been so long since I've seen them/had any kind of contact outside social media with them.

With my last remaining uni friend I'm in some kind of contact with contact has dropped off even more in the last year or so - it is practically at xmas cards only, with nothing other than a short greeting and names. I don't think we've got much in common any more and the reminiscing has all been done.

On the other hand my oldest and closest friend - who lives 2.5 hrs away - we're both making more effort to see and keep in contact with each other, now that the children's ages make that much easier. I think I appreciate her more than ever now that other long and medium term friends have faded away.

I'm also much pickier about who I will spend time with (I know that sounds horrible and I think I am horrible sometimes) - I really enjoy seeing people out and about and having impromptu chats but...That doesn't mean I don't want more friends in my life though - I do! I miss the circle of mum friends I had from when the kids were a primary school but 75% of us have moved now and it has just fallen apart.

I'm hoping for a more sociable fifties - but people who are really in my life/can do things with.

Transformatio · 09/07/2022 18:42

@Random4321 Just read your OP again, maybe properly this time.

I would still keep some contact with this uni friend for a while longer yet - but maybe more like sending a card/text on her birthday if it is always you instigating contact. How far away do you live from her?

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