Confused...

[Europeanman42]

Hi there,

Just came here to rant a bit and see peoples thoughts, although i think i know what most of them will be... I was with my ex for 6 years, but she moved to the US for the last year for a fantastic work opportunity. Due to covid restrictions we didnt see each other for that year, and when we did see each other she broke it off, as we had been apart for so long..

Since then we have kept contact and have been emailing and she tells me she still misses me a lot but she doesnt know what to do because she thinks she has to stay in the US for the next couple of years. This week she is back in the UK and she told me she wanted to meet up. So i agreed to and we put everything out there over dinner. I told her i would like to give the long distance a try again as i have tried moving on but none of them have been like the relationship we had and could have in the future... She told me she felt the same but she had been on a few dates with someone in the US but it was nothing serious... At the same time, she told me she just didnt know what to do and was in tears over dinner about the whole situation. At the end of the evening she said she would think some more about it and be in touch and that maybe we should meet again before she leaves back to the US next week.. I agreed... When i got home she had sent me a msg saying how good it was to see me and that i looked good...
Since then she has sent me at least a msg a day but she hasnt said anything more about giving it another go... My head is a little all over the place, as i still want to be with this girl, as i really believe she is the love of my life... To add to these complications, i have a daughter who lives with her mum in mainland Europe, so its not as though i could directly get up and move to the US...

Any advice would be much appreciated, and thanks for reading...
Cheers

I think you need to cut the cord and move on. She’s keeping you available while living her life and seeing other people.
You need to set yourself free.

Thanks @KangarooKenny . I had a feeling that may be the advice, its just tough when she says she still has feelings- in many ways i wish she would just tell me to go away!

People like this won't ever tell you to go away because they are keeping you hanging on purpose.

You need to stop seeing her words as hope. They aren't. her actions define her, not her words. Her actions tell you where you stand with her, not her words.

Try seeing her actions as communication; she's telling you plainly really that you are a reserve. She's told you that. It wasn't in words but she has told you, and you can't really say she hasn't.

So stop waiting for the words that won't come and take her telling you that she's seeing someone else, and her seeing someone else, as her telling you that she's seeing someone else, i.e. you two are officially over.

Cut contact and let her feel the brunt of her decision, at which time if she wants to come running back she can, with you holding all the cards.

You're wishing she would take control of a life decision for you.

Are you an adult? If so, decisions like this need to be your decision and yours alone. Shying away like you are, wishing she'd do it for you... these are immature thought processes that show you are not willing to take responsibility for yourself.

Don't waste time on someone who confuses you. Walk away. Developing this attitude will make you a brilliant father to your daughter; decisive, and unwilling to hang on someone else's word, is a great example to set.