Boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to spend much time with me

[Lauren5982]

My boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to spend much time with me anymore, we’ve been together for 2 years and live about 30 minutes apart. We’re both 22 and we both drive so it’s easy to see each other but it always seems to be me who arranges for us to meet up. What I don’t understand is the fact that he doesn’t act any different when we’re together, he still seems as loved up as he did in the beginning but will never ask to meet up unless I mention it. There’s always an excuse why he can’t come to mine like he’s too tired or he’s already driven too much today, I always have to drive to him, I’ve spoke to this about him before and asked if he doesn’t like my family or if there’s something that’s stopping him coming to mine and he says nothings wrong. I sometimes feel like it’s my fault because I make myself too available, I’ve never really had a decent set of friends growing up and the ones that I had went to different parts of the country for uni or moved away. So only really spend time with my family and my boyfriend, I also work set shifts and he knows when I work. Maybe he thinks he can just see me whenever he wants because I’ll always be free. I have recently joined a gym 3 nights a week to give myself something to do independently outside of him but I just feel sad and confused about the whole situation because he’s still really loving but I seem to be the one making all the effort :( any advice? X

You will be happier in any situation if you have good life balance, it’s never good to rely on one person, even a life partner. so it’s good to join the gym, but also think about what interests you and what activities you could start that might also help you make friends.

It sounds like you two are running out of steam, which after two years is pretty normal at your age. You could have a chat with him, but don’t waste your life by letting it drift, if it’s time to call it then do that.

If it does end then it might feel shit but remember it will pass. Focus on planning some nice things to go over the next 6 months.

It’s great that you’ve talked. It’s great that he’s given you his reasons. Now what would be great is if he came up with a plan where he has to make some effort too.

At the moment he’s just taking you and your willingness to dance to his tune for granted and assuming that, because you’re continuing to do it, you’re okay with it.

Out of interest, does he also live with his parents?

Oh my god you are 22

why are you settling for this dull loser

’go to mine/come to his’ - what? Don’t you go on dates? Do stuff?

This is just all kinds of sad. Don’t waste your youth

Stop wasting your time, op. You're so young and this relationship has run it's course.

You're very young. Go find better.

DH and I have been together for nearly two decades and are blissfully happy and we actively want to spend as much time as we can together. My fiercely independent, professional DSis doesn't understand why we go to the local shops together, do the swimming lesson drop offs in a pair or go do the school runs together etc. She says how it would drive her mad to be around her DH all the time like that and that I should be doing things on my own (of course we do, we're both independent people perfectly able to get on with life when the other isn't around!). And as such, even when DSis and DBIL are together, they're constantly sniping at each other, not being polite and generally being unpleasant (though she doesn't think it's bad in any way. It's a perfectly normal working marriage to them). Their kids act the same way. Argumentative and rude as they see it all the time in their family life.

Go find your one. The one who you want to spend time with as much as he want to spend his with you.