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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is this?

12 replies

Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 20:38

Hi everyone,

Just need a bit of advice I'm seeing a bloke have been since last feb on and off it's been weird not a bad weird just weird I don't know how to explain it....

I get days where I find him attractive and wanna kiss his face off then there's other days where I wanna rip his face off 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ I know I sound bloody nuts! This bloke though is so lovely and kind, caring and loving and when he's not around or been around it's weird I don't like it.... yes we bicker a lot about stupid things there are some traits that I hate about him but then no one is perfect are they? He's always been my safe bubble too I don't know I know if I was in trouble or needed help I can call him and he will be there I feel safe and secure with him but I don't feel I can live with him for a long time....

What is this? Is this love? People have said to me it's love but I just don't know it yet? Is it? Because I have no idea I do get jealous when he says about other women I mean he works as security at a club and he gets women who wanna touch him and chat him up and I'm like hmmmm 🤣😩 oh god I feel like a bloody 16 year old again!

OP posts:
Dad2017 · 08/07/2022 20:46

It's not that long and if its this soon you feel like that then I would say its not going to work like this long term. What have your previous relationships been like?

DatingDinosaur · 08/07/2022 20:48

Have you tracked your monthly cycle to these love you/hate you feelings?

“there are some traits that I hate about him "

Hate is a strong word. It's not normal to HATE things about someone you love so, no, I doubt it's love. A bit of infatuation about the good bits of him perhaps and you're still at the "ignore the bad bits" stage.

pastypirate · 08/07/2022 20:52

Is he giving you the ick then?

Original poster
Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 20:55

It’s been like this since last July I’ve been through a bad time and I think I just pick out the faults in everyone and because of my past my standards are high but I know deep down no one is perfect and will ever meet my standards as such if you know what I mean…

OP posts:
Original poster
Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 20:57

i don’t mean hate dislike I didn’t mean the hate word my ex husband I disliked/hated his moods and some of his ways as such then it turned out he was a dirty lying cheat? I know no one is perfect I’m not I’m far from it but I think because of the hurt I’ve been through in the past we what my ex put me through my walls are up high and I just find all the little imperfections and think nah! Fuck that if you know what I mean

OP posts:
Original poster
Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 20:57

No not the ick just I can get irritated quick and snappy I think sometimes it’s just me maybe ? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Dad2017 · 08/07/2022 20:59

Best way to think of it is what does your head say compared to your heart?

Original poster
Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 21:01

That this guy is right for me and even though he has his faults he is kind, loving, honest and what I need. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Pattypatience · 08/07/2022 21:03

Hormones? Like before ovulation and after ovulation.. it is a thing

LadyWithLapdog · 08/07/2022 21:03

I think if you’ve been dating for 18 months and you’re still not sure if you love him it’s going to be a ‘no’ long term.

takeitandleaveit · 08/07/2022 21:12

Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 20:57

i don’t mean hate dislike I didn’t mean the hate word my ex husband I disliked/hated his moods and some of his ways as such then it turned out he was a dirty lying cheat? I know no one is perfect I’m not I’m far from it but I think because of the hurt I’ve been through in the past we what my ex put me through my walls are up high and I just find all the little imperfections and think nah! Fuck that if you know what I mean

Having read your update, I can't help wondering whether you are actually ready for another serious relationship just yet? Your current feelings are still being affected by the hurt you suffered before, and while you still feel like that, maybe it is influencing your emotions in your current relationship.

Just a thought.

Original poster
Leanne1191 · 08/07/2022 21:21

Yes! I get very irritated and snappy with him and can’t be round him week before my period it’s weird

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