Feel like I'm losing my mind

[Itsjustamoment]

I have ended the relationship with my 'D'P due to his alcoholism and the dishonesty that surrounds that.
He refuses to believe the relationship is over and so will not move out of our home. Yes, he has the right to be here. The tenancy is in both names. It is what it is.
What I'm struggling with is his really bizarre behaviour.
It's petty things - hiding important mail and when I ask about it, claims its been behind the front door all along and I just didn't see it. If I'm boiling the kettle he flicks the switch off on his way past. Turning the oven down when I have a meal in there cooking. He takes my house keys off my keyring and leaves them in random places.
He regularly accuses me of not going to work or seeing other men. I was accused of going in 'his' bedroom the other day yet he'd been in there himself all day.
I don't know whether I'm coming or going with him, there's always something!
What is he trying to achieve with this ridiculous behaviour?

He’s trying to upset you. What an absolute twat.

In-between the bizarre behaviour he sends me text messages telling me how wonderful our relationship can be and I haven't given the relationship a chance.
Surely he cannot believe his current behaviour is endearing.

Can you stay somewhere else? The best thing to do with people like this isn't to try to work out why they're doing it; it's to remove yourself from their presence.

I can't unfortunately. What I'd really like is for him to move out. He works but cannot afford this house on his own.
I'm currently paying everything and he keeps his wage to himself.
I do not cook for him nor do laundry etc etc.

He’s just trying to wind you up, can’t you give notice on your tenancy and get your own place?

This is psychological abuse, it's gaslighting and controlling behaviour. He is messing with your head on purpose and it appears to be escalating. I don't think you are safe so if there is anywhere else you can go, please consider it. Speak to women's aid about the abuse and citizens advice about the tenancy issues.

Why are you paying everything? If he wont leave but you’re paying everything anyway can you get the landlord to change the tenancy just to your name?

I think hes trying to get a reaction from you, any reaction, like a child who will play up to get attention, even if it is negative.
Presumably and understandably you've gone cold on him now, he's unlikely to be enjoying feeling like nothing to you so clearly trying to provoke.

You’re paying everything?! 😲

You need to get his name off the tenancy, and get him out. If you can’t do that legally (IANAL), end the tenancy and find somewhere else -without him.

As another PP said, this won't end well. When he realises what hes doing is having no effect, I think hes likely to turn nasty. Get him out asap OP x

I'm paying everything because he refuses too and if I don't pay, bills and rent will fall into arrears.
With regards to the tenancy, is it allowed for the landlord just to give me a new contract in my name only?
For full disclosure, the landlord is a close family friend and wouldn't want my ex dp to hold a sole tenancy.

Speak to your landlord and give notice you're leaving. If they don't want just him they can give him notice.

Personally though I would leave and let him deal with it all. Transfer everything into his name and get the hell out

I'd speak to a lawyer to check but guessing if there isn't a straightforward way to have him removed from the tenancy, then your landlord could evict you both and then just have you back as a sole tenant but under a new tenancy.....but I'd check the legality of that first! Certainly let them know what's going on at the least.

Speak to your landlord about putting the tenancy in just your name, or ending it and restarting it for yourself or maybe your LL has another property? You can’t continue to live like this, who knows what else he’s doing !?

He has no incentive to leave while you're bankrolling his life. He'll ramp up his weird behaviour just to see what he can get away with - you really need to live apart by any means possible.

Cancel any bills in his name and end your tenancy. The landlord can decide if they want to keep him on or not. And the other companies can write to him as if he is the new Tennant.

If the landlord is q family friend then they should be fine with you leaving under these circumstances.

What your husband is doing is called gaslighting. It is a deliberate and calculated attempt to make you doubt your own sanity.

You need to get out of there ASAP.

*cancel any bills in YOUR name rather

Tell your landlord he's abusing you (he is, if you hadn't realised)

Even better that your landlord is a family friend, speak to them asap.

Explain what is happening and that you need a few tenancy in your sole name, get him out & see if they can change the locks for you.

Why are you paying everything??

If the landlord is a friend, tell them what's happening and ask them to end the tenancy early?

He's being a dick,get the tenancy in your name then kick him out x