I always feel like I'm worthless and am going to be let down

[Blushingm]

I've been divorce 6 years. Exh was emotionally and financially and psychologically abusive (I have since discovered. He was also never interested in a physical relationship for the last decade of our marriage.

I was seeing someone on and off for a few years but he had a drink problem and started using drugs

I started seeing someone about 2.5 years ago for about 3 months til I discovered he was leading me and 2 others on.

I met someone lovely, we got on well. He was recently separated and pursued me - til the day he got his divorce papers and he just felt he wasn't ready. This was in January.

I then decided to hell with it, I'll try OLD. I've been seeing someone since April. Chat every day. He has 50:50 with his kids so we see each other once or twice a week. It's going really well, we have lots in common, laugh a lot etc but I keep thinking he's going to let me down too. I also feel like I don't measure up to his ex wife. She is highly intelligent, has an amazing job and earns good money (he earns similar to me). I know because I googled her. I also know she's a size 10 as he has that size hangars in his flat (I completely believe he has them for his clothes and it's only his stuff there). I can't find any pics of her but I imagine she's probably really pretty and she's obviously slim - I'm not either and I just don't feel good enough.

It's really getting me down and I hate it. He tries to tell me how lovely I am, how comfortable he feels with me and if he didn't find me attractive then he wouldn't get the reaction he does when we are together

I don't know what I'm trying to ask but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well op put it this way...I fancy jqmes mcavoy but I also fancy josh widdicome. They are completely different right? But both gorgeous in their own way imo.

Secondly, why would you ever be unworthy of love? Only people I've ever thought that way about are nasty bullies who treat other people like shit. Apart from that, everyone is worthy of love!

However, just incase, because you mention the feeling that he is going to let you down...that may be an instinct to listen to because of an issue with him your gut is picking up on. So just be careful. Google love bombing and make sure thats not going on for example.

But if it's just low self esteem talking then you gotta have a word with that because it'll mess you up if you let let little voice run riot.

You are enough.
And if it doesn't work out with someone then it's simply because you were not compatible. Plenty more fish in the sea.

What do you do day to day that, if you were someone else, would make you respect you?

Have you ever considered therapy? It sounds like you have a pattern in relationships and very low self esteem. I am not judging at all, I empathise. I'm reading "women who love too much", a self help book that was apparently big in the early 90s, and finding it very interesting about unhealthy patterns in relationships. (I don't have a great track record in relationships, ex was abusive and currently separating from alcoholic husband with mental health problems. It's hard to imagine a comfortable/healthy relationship)

@Watchkeys ummmm I suppose my job is a professional but caring role, I'm always kind and helpful and am really rubbish at being nasty but I'm also fair and if I think something is unfair I'll speak up

@Pinkbonbon he hasn't done anything at all to make me think he will let me down, he seems really happy when we are together and says he looks forward to seeing me......he not one for big gestures or being OTT and isn't massively confident in himself either........I think it's just me thinking he could do a lot better than me

You need to work on yourself before getting involved with someone.

Those things are ways of making other people feel good about themselves. What do you do that makes you respect you? Outside of your work? For fun?

Tbf, I'm a boring bugger, I still respect myself and think I'm worthy of love.

Might be worthwhile considering some counciling...could be that your self esteem just didn't recover after past abuse.

Also have to be aware that a man cannot heal you. You have to heal you. You have to find the voice that says 'I am enough and I love myself'. Easier said than done of course.

But pp might be right that getting out there and taking up some hobbies and doing things just you, for you, might help you find some inner peace and confidence.