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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband texting my best friend

36 replies

Infp1987 · 08/07/2022 13:29

My husband was secretly texting my best friend behind my back when our son was 9 months old. What's worse is that he was providing her with emotional support, which is the one thing I want and need from him that he doesn't give me.

It didn't last very long, only a week in total. But it's the lying that I am struggling with. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I want to trust him. I just want a loving, safe, honest family. I don't know how to move forward. Wise or practical advice would be greatly appreciated x

OP posts:
ChickenOfTheSea · 09/07/2022 07:01

I don't know. I see this as 2 separate issues. Your relationship and lack of support and then texting your best mate. The first one you both need to work on and the second one depends on what was actually said. A week of supportive messages about a baby doesn't scream flirting to me.

alwaysontheloo · 09/07/2022 11:49

I do wish the same posters wouldn't ride up onto these threads telling women that they ABU for not putting up with shitty behaviour from men.
YADNBU OP. Get rid of your 'best friend' and your H. You deserve better.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 09/07/2022 16:50

I've spoken to him about everything and we saw a marriage counsellor but she was very clearly on his side as he told her that he's scared of me. Not sure I would be texting the best friend of someone I'm scared of.

You went to joint counselling and he told the counsellor he was scared of you!? How can you have a functional relationship with someone who does that? Either he IS scared of you, in which case your relationship is over because you're abusive, or he ISN'T scared of you, in which case your relationship is over because he's abusive.

Are you aware that joint counselling is never advised in abusive relationships, partly because the abuser tends to use it as a tool to further abuse you by manipulating the counsellor? Do you think that's what he did here?

RenovationsUnderway · 30/12/2022 03:21

Sounds like his shtick is to provide emotional support to women when he's trying to get them into bed.

gannett · 30/12/2022 04:54

The real and only issue is that he's not supportive of you.

If he was supportive of you then a few standard-sounding messages of support to your best friend as well would be neither here nor there. It's normal to have a friendly and supportive relationship with your partner's friends in a healthy relationship. But this isn't a healthy relationship in the first place.

Notamum12345577 · 27/03/2023 22:23

The friend didn’t realise the OP didn’t know they were texting

Londonsummer · 27/03/2023 22:32

Does Mumsnet have a bot that resurrects zombie threads?

Why would Notamum12345577 post a response now?

I really don't get it.

LooseGoose22 · 27/03/2023 23:17

You went to joint counselling and he told the counsellor he was scared of you!? How can you have a functional relationship with someone who does that? Either he IS scared of you, in which case your relationship is over because you're abusive, or he ISN'T scared of you, in which case your relationship is over because he's abusive.

Good point.

And as you've pointed out entirely correctly op; noone scared of their partner is going to be doing what he's done.

LooseGoose22 · 27/03/2023 23:18

Uugh zombie

Hac2010 · 28/03/2023 19:38

This weekend I was able to get ahold of my old best friend. I moved away, and we hadn't had time to see each other. I fell asleep while texting her. When I woke up my phone was on my husband side which I taught was strange because I have my side and he has his. Around noon the following day, my best friend calls me. I was so excited to speak to her until I heard the sound of her voice angry. I asked her what's wrong and she told me after I feel asleep he messaged her off my phone asking her how's she doing? If she's busy? And that we was bored. Mine you before I went to sleep i was try to get F*** & he said he was tired. When I confronted him with what i knew he said it was not in a bad way and that he didn't had no bad intentions. But why are you messaging my best friend at 2 am off my phone?!? He played victim and said he needed help and he was going to leave cause he was not deserving of me! I told him he has always been a weak man and that's why he's never been able to handle me. After everything I've don't for him for my child and my home, it proved he was not worth my time no longer.... I am a strong woman who goes above and beyond for him & my child but he doesn't appreciate it. I wish him the best & I'm thankful he willingly walked away.

Notamum12345577 · 05/04/2023 23:11

Because it came up as one of the recommended or trending posts, I didn’t realise at the time it was from December

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