So scared to date, afraid I’ll be alone forever.

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

Hi and thank you for anyone who might be reading this.

So to the problem.
I’m shy, introverted, takes me a long time to be comfortable with people.

I don’t think I’ll ever find a partner who is willing to take the time to get to know me.
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to have sex and ”get it over with”.
I’m really not that fussed about it I think.
I at least would like to get to know eachother and see if there is any future there.

And now I’m just getting older and lack the experience I’m ”supposed to have”.

And then there is even more problems, a lot of guys want ”kinky” women, I’m not into violence or degradation.
The men I have talked to / went an date/s with have said they are looking for kinky woman, fair enough. - but that’s not me.
Can you non-kinky people even find a person these days?

Like I said, I am so scared to date at this point.

But I do wish a partner, to love someone and be loved by them.

I'm too scared for fear of getting hurt again
I just don't think I could handle it anymore

I'm a man (in case that's relevant) and when I was single I liked taking a bit longer with messaging. I think there are guys out there who are like you, and will like you for who you are, but they might just take longer to find. I think it's good that you know what you want and don't want, and you stick to that. Any guy who makes you feel bad for that just isn't the right guy for you. Also, most men don't mind if you don't have much "experience", so that really doesn't need to be an issue.

Is it worth taking the leap and using a dating app like Thursday? it only activates on a Thursday so if you want to find out more about someone it kind of forces you to arrange to meet up sooner. From what I've heard a lot of people are experiencing going back and forth with chats that go nowhere, and never meeting up, and when I heard of Thursday, I thought that it sounded smart because it gets over that issue.

If some guy is telling you they want a kinky woman over your pasta on a date, he is probably a creep op. Even more so if he is talking to you about violence or degradation. Because that isn't kinky, its a sick fetish. Might be that you are dating weirdos and therefore, feeling under pressure.

Definately read up on red flags.

Secondly, once you're more confident on how to spot and avoid creeps - make a point of going on more dates. Just arrange quick coffee dates after a few convos with each person. If they don't suit, on to the next. You'll be an experienced dater in no time. ...not that that's a good thing haha.

As for sex, if it seems to be they are indicating at that on the first few dates then you'll know they aren't they aren't for you. If they make it past that then start moving a bit too fast for you then you simply say 'hey I am really enjoying getting to know you, do you mind if we continue as we are for now? Im not looking to rush into the physical stuff. I prefer to form bonds with people first and see if we are compatible after the initial stages'.

Chances are they'll say that's fine if they are decent. Then that buys you a few months to decide what you want to do. Unless they start to push again, in which case, get shot.
They are your boundaries and you are entitled to them. You will suit someone just right, probably lots of people. Just take no shit in the mean time.

Why not stop dating then? Just meet people for a one off coffee. See it as a half hour opportunity to chat with a stranger, the way you might if you were in a long queue together, or waiting for a plane at the airport.

One day, you'll meet someone and find you feel like having another coffee with them, and perhaps a walk, then you'll be having such a nice time, you'll go and get some food, and before you know it...

It's your call, as soon as they bring up something your not comfortable with, you can say no. There will be many with very different views to you but there Will also be others on the same wavelength.
Anyone worth your while, and wants a potential relationship will get to know you first, it doesn't Matter if you're shy, some you will click with and others not. Just go into it without much expectation than having a nice time, if anything more develops then it's a bonus.

Is this generally people from dating apps? I found that most of them were a bit 'odd/creepy'. It's far easier to meet someone in person and take things more gradually in my experience.

Why not join some clubs? Find someone with similar interests.

Out of interest, how do you know @Watchkeys Op will meet someone one day? Plenty of people don't.

I'm sorry you're feeling down, OP.

There aren't a lot of men on dating sites who meet your requirements, but there are a few (I've met one of them and it's brilliant). Just stick to your guns and don't let anyone shame you for it, or pressure you into anything.

Communicate clearly that you'd like to take time to get to know each other as people first.

Remember that there are shy and introverted men out there too who probably have the same worries that you do.... it's just a matter of finding them!

Thank you @Musttryharder2021 , honestly for long time I didn’t date, and what I learned that I’m not one of thise women who meet/ run in to / attract people in everyday life.

Thank to anyone who said kind things.

Is it? I find it almost impossible. I'm of an age now (30) that even if the ring isn't on your finger people seem to assume you probably have someone at home. At least if you're on an app people can assume you're single (well most of the time...).