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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Isolating with Covid, am I mean for not helping him.

56 replies

lilyflower24 · 08/07/2022 08:08

Live with P and have been isolating with covid, P has kept well out of my way, felt rough but luckily it's not been really bad, other than feeling so exhausted, I am WHF, so can't fully rest. P not the greatest of carers, virtually ignored me the whole time, and I've mainly looked after myself, obviously wouldn't want him to be bored been stuck in like me, so it wasn't unexpected when he just carried on doing what he likes to do keeping himself busy, and I have learnt over the years, it's always about his needs and wants as he shouts louder to get his demands met, I hate all that tension, so often back down, standing my ground just makes it last longer and my head is so messed up by the end of it I just want it to stop.

Well yesterday he told me its his sons graduation today, he says he forgot about it, and then said his son only got 2 tickets, one for him and one for his sons mum, they have been over for years, she's got P, as well as me and my P been together for years, so weird his son only got 2 tickets and didn't think about parents partners. It's a 3 hour journey so are all going together of course, my P asked if I'm ok about it, which I said it's his sons graduation and he can't miss it, said it feel a bit awkward but it's not about me.
It will be from late morning till late tonight.

Then last night my P went out till 9:30 doing one of his activities, me of course was stuck in bedroom isolating, he came to the door of the room an hour later, I was drifting off to sleep, and asked me to iron something for him so he can wear the next day at the graduation, I mumbled a yeah, but he then added he could do it himself now, and shut the door. Well confusing this morning he's said he's not happy I didn't offer to help iron, I said I did say I would, he said I didn't! 🤯 he said he's been busy and was tired and then he's now got to work a bit this morning and then go to the graduation and could have done with some offer of help from me!

Am I missing something? I've had over a week of him virtually ignoring me and not been helpful with my situation, yet as he's so busy doing all the things he desires and he's too tired from them he wants me to iron a shirt for him and he's made out I'm the unhelpful one! I said hold on a minute, he's not been very helpful with my situation and has virtually ignored me the whole time, yet you are taking issue because I didn't jump at the chance to iron you a shirt, with that he said he will continue to ignore me and left.

Please help me get my head around this, i didn't even say no to ironing, I just just jump up and down offering to help him, is that so wrong!

OP posts:
Homewardbound2022 · 08/07/2022 15:22

He most likely didn't forget the graduation.
He told you last minute because you're not important to him and this is just showing contempt for you.

misskatamari · 08/07/2022 15:25

Please please leave him. He is abusing you. No one should be shouted at constantly in their own home, by the person who is supposed to love them.

Fenella123 · 08/07/2022 15:28

I have learnt over the years, it's always about his needs and wants as he shouts louder to get his demands met,

I know change is hard and all that but it does sound as if you'd be happier on your own, OP

Gerwurtztraminer · 08/07/2022 16:31

Ask yourself - why am I with this person?

Does he care about me and show me kindness? Does he respect me?

Does he show me love and compassion and understanding? Does he support me when I am down or need help?
Does he build up my confidence and self esteem and make me feel good about myself? Does he make me laugh and have fun together?

And ....Do I want to live like this for the rest of my life?

Because on the little you've said so far, sounds like the answers are mostly going to be "no".

So tell us again - WHY are you with him?

And if you don't want to be like this forever, ask yourself, "What do I need to do so that I can make plans to leave?"

bloodyunicorns · 08/07/2022 16:41

I have learnt over the years, it's always about his needs and wants as he shouts louder to get his demands met, I hate all that tension, so often back down

This is the problem.

He ignores you while you have Covid then wakes you to ask you to iron a shirt, then sulks when you don't?

What would you tell a friend in the same situation?

I'd tell him to go to the graduation by himself this weekend and spend the time thinking about what you want from life. You deserve more than this.

He's a selfish, thoughtless, uncaring, abusive twat.

Bloodyusernamechange · 08/07/2022 18:17

I'd be using the time whilst he's away at the graduation sorting through and copying all pertinent paperwork, and booking an appointment to talk through your options.

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