Holiday dread

[Holidaybloos88]

Going on a family holiday next week...my partner has been a pain about it for months now complaining as it's with my family and that he also thinks it's too dear. He lies a little and has said I didn't tell him how much it was etc (I did). Anyway he has a habit of calling me fat and jelly belly. I have asked him to stop and he won't.

Tonight we were bickering during bed time with the toddlers and he said He doesn't fancy me anymore and isn't happy. I said that he doesn't have to come on the holiday but he doesn't want to miss the kids first foreign holiday. Today this has all stemmed from me going to get my nails done and he has the kids for a few hours as I also got last min holiday bits (he golfed for 5 hours yesterday)

I asked him to not call me fat infront of my family as they won't be happy and I don't want an atmosphere on holiday...he said that if I dare speak out of turn to him while we are away he will 'put me in my place' infront of my family and they can just suck it up he's paid for this holiday (he paid half) and he will speak to me any way he wishes.

I am so drained he's took all the fun out of this already before we even go. I know I'm gonna have to tip toe round him all week so he doesn't get annoyed. Any one any tips on how I can keep the peace on holiday

I wouldn’t tip toe around him on holidays at all, let your family see exactly what he’s like and when you’re home, put a plan together to separate. He has no respect for you.

I don't want to ruin their holidays though

Why are you with him ?

Fucking hell what an absolute twat. Who’s the lead name in the booking? If it’s not him I’d go without him.

Btw I am 5ft 2 and a size 8-10 my belly is wobbly after two v close together pregnancies

I think the holiday is the least of your worries.
What a nasty man. Go away with your family and leave him to stew. Will also give you time to make a plan to leave him.

It doesn’t matter how large or small your stomach is, he is out of order calling you names and talking about putting you in your place, or warning you not to speak out of turn.

Well we all know the fastest way to lose a load of weight..
Best day of my life was dumping 20 stone....
Give him back his half. Tell him he can ring the dc's while you are away..
Or tell one of your relatives to shove him in the deep end....

I would love to ask him to leave when we get home but the house is in his name the kids are very settled if I leave we will have to move in with my parents and they only have one spare room

So what, short term pain for long term gain.
You owe your children to get away from this abuser.
What are you teaching them? Allowing yourself to be treated like this?
I'm not blaming you, he's scum but it's now responsibility to leave him and create a nice home and family environment for you and your children.

Don't make excuses

I plan to leave I am just saving so I have money to get my own place

So are you staying because it’s convenient? Raise the bar! This isn’t the kind of relationship you want your kids to believe is normal

You have made some terrible mistakes here (having children and ? not working) with a dickhead you are not even married to

Move back in with your parents and learn a hard lesson here before your kids start to think living like this is normal

I work full time in a professional roll

because of a bad divorce my credit score is shit working my way out of it and have two more years to go

Imagine this scenario Op.
In a family home where you are loved and supported, not scared or anxious or worried. Not belittled. Not waking up and dreading the day ahead.
That family home could be with your Mum and Dad and your little ones. Will it be hard, yes it will. Cramped, yep.

Will you be safe and happier? Sounds like it.

When you land back from this holiday, go back with them. Your wains will settle, especially if Mummy is happy.

He is abusive. Plan to leave.

Please leave. He sounds awful. If he doesn't want to go on holiday with your family take the kids and go by yourself.

Don't tip toe round this abusive, selfish, arrogant prick !

Be yourself on holiday. If he then 'chooses' to continue to be a nasty prick to you, at least your parents will see exactly what he's like, so you won't need to explain things to them.

Plan on leaving and moving in with your parents short term, because it won't take you long to save enough for a deposit plus 1st months rent if you're living back with your parents.

Cancel any and all payments to joint account for 'bills'. Contact bank and ask to 'suspend' joint account until it can be closed properly.

Pack up. Take all kids stuff (toys/beds/clothes etc) and all your stuff, and everything you paid for (e.g TV's, furniture etc) because you'll need it to furnish your new house when you get one, even if it needs to go into storage short term. (Kids furniture etc must go with the kids, and not left at his house because the kids needs 'trump' making his life 'easier' by you leaving everything the kids need with him, and you being forced to buy all new stuff for them at your new house.)

Make sure you remove your name from all household bills etc asap and include current meter readings etc with a pic of the meter readings on the day you 'vacate' the property too. (You don't even need to tell him you've done this, as the gas/elec etc will send a 'To the occupier' letter to him so he can arrange to take over the supply etc)

Do a 'change of address' via post office for at least 6 mths, so that all your post will be redirected to your parents house automatically.

Put a claim in for child maintenance immediately, because he still has to pay for his bloody kids.

Put in a claim for any benefits you may be entitled to e.g Child Tax Credit etc and inform them of a 'change of circumstance' etc if you already claim.

Open a new email address and tell him that all child access etc will only be discussed via email, then block him on your phone/ SM etc.

It really won't take long to do all these things,(Ask work for emergency leave for a week or two or get GP sick note for stress) and you'll be free from his abuse. Free to start a new chapter with your DC which doesn't involve them watching their Mum being abused and treated like shit.