What is a Normal amount to go out

[Mrsbiscuits81]

Hi everyone. I have 3 gorgeous boys, 11, 7 and 6 months. The 6 month old is with a new partner. He's been brilliant with my other two and has an amazing relationship with them. He loves being a dad and is pretty hands on. He also wants to go out and see his friends which is totally fair enough.... my ex husband was never ever around due to work and an alcohol problem so I solo parented and I genuinely don't know what is 'normal' - can you help me? With a 6 month old and the other two bedtimes are hard work and I'm still recovering from a very bad pregnancy most of which I spent in hospital. I really don't mind him going out obviously but what's a usual amount to do that, solo? We do get out for dinner together at least once a month. But on his own is it Once a week? Twice a week? Twice a month? Any advice much appreciated! We're both kind of new to this - him cos it's his first baby and me cos I had a rubbish unhelpful ex!

Dripfeed!
He desperately wanted a child, you didn't particularly want another baby, but you did it for him, and now he doesn't want to give up his pub time to look after his own child? And he doesn't even have to go to work much?
Mate I'd be putting my foot down and telling him to step up, stop whinging about tiredness,.and make parenting his no. 1 priority, THEN you'll negotiate with him about taking time off.

As for what's normal, it's subjective. When my kids were babies, we each got a night out alone maybe once a month and did an equal share of parenting/paid work.

The op states 3 children,11yo ,7yo and 6mth.Then Latterly states their teenagers?
They live as family, so he should help and pitch in irrespective of who is his biological child @lonelydad2022
if You live and function as a family unit, you should be available and not hungover
theyre a family unit to 3 children,not just his baby
Op he isn’t a responsible parent if he’s hungover and you’re doing all the domestic tasks, bulk of childcare

We go out about twice a month together (babysitters used to be mates with babies and we would swap) now we can leave them.
We individually go out once or twice a week with friends on separate nights. I love socialising and get bored at home.

The fathers of your children are alcoholics.

Yeah he likes a drink.... he's a totally lovely drunk person so I don't mind this at all.

Oh dear, didn’t you learn anything from your last relationship?

I suspect this only is a question because your partner feels entitled to go out regularly and get shit faced. He has a responsibility to his family and shouldn’t have to be told or ask when it’s ok to check out from those responsibilities .

He doesn’t sound lovely or great with the kids - because he’s either not there physically when he’s out drinking in the evenings (without you) or is “napping” with a hangover the next day.

He is also not there emotionally for you unless negatively as he bickers and is not emotionally available for all three children for large swathes of time.

You are parenting solo here whilst carrying a selfish drunk IMHO.

Maybe there is plenty of cash if he has chosen to retire by 50 and you have given up a job you love? If so buy in plenty of help - cleaners / babysitters etc to take the sting out of your life - spend the equivalent on help that he spends on socialising …. and in this time look to get the job you loved back.

This is not a good home to raise your baby or your older boys.

Going out and getting so drunk you can’t get up at a reasonable time and parent the next day? Couple times a year, max. Pre agreed.

what’s wrong with going out to see friends and having one or zero drinks?

‘he likes a drink’ is usually euphemism/code for a drunk.

we go out and see friends to socialise with a young toddler in the house, usually 7-10 at night once he’s asleep for the night and it doesn’t impact the following day in any way. A couple times per month each. No alcohol involved.

part of being a parent is not imbibing so much of a psychoactive substance that you’re unable to fulfil your parenting duties.

Also how did your kids age several years in the span of a day?