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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to get away

7 replies

ftm79507 · 07/07/2022 14:25

So after thinking on my relationship for a while I think it's time I left. I'm very sure that this isn't the partner I want in my life and only being young I feel like I am wasting time here. He works long hours he comes home smokes passes out on sofa eating food rinse and repeat every single day. I pick up after him like his another child. I feel like a single mum as it is I hold down this house on my own and look after our child. The only thing he is supporting is finances which is next to nothing because he is in a commission only job and we have been struggling for weeks but he won't budge. I'm sick to death of eating my dinner on my own, going out on my own, going to bed on my own. I don't think he's actually doing wrong I just think we aren't compatible. I'd much rather live on a wage where we both work and have some company and be happy. Any advice on getting up and leaving. He will have no where to go so he can stay here so he can work ect But what to say is my problem I know he's going to be super super annoyed that I don't want to be here anymore. I'm thinking about going back to my family in essex.

OP posts:
ftm79507 · 07/07/2022 14:29

ftm79507 · 07/07/2022 14:25

So after thinking on my relationship for a while I think it's time I left. I'm very sure that this isn't the partner I want in my life and only being young I feel like I am wasting time here. He works long hours he comes home smokes passes out on sofa eating food rinse and repeat every single day. I pick up after him like his another child. I feel like a single mum as it is I hold down this house on my own and look after our child. The only thing he is supporting is finances which is next to nothing because he is in a commission only job and we have been struggling for weeks but he won't budge. I'm sick to death of eating my dinner on my own, going out on my own, going to bed on my own. I don't think he's actually doing wrong I just think we aren't compatible. I'd much rather live on a wage where we both work and have some company and be happy. Any advice on getting up and leaving. He will have no where to go so he can stay here so he can work ect But what to say is my problem I know he's going to be super super annoyed that I don't want to be here anymore. I'm thinking about going back to my family in essex.

I would probably meet half way if he put effort into our son but he doesn't. He won't help out during the night or in the mornings because he needs to sleep for work and the one day he gets off he's so unenthusiastic about family days he just says he wants to rest so I feel like I'm dragging him out to do fun stuff and his counting down till he can get home and smoke ect. I get it but I just can't be involved in that anymore it's so unfair on our son. Especially when his older and realising more things. I may aswell just do it on my own and he can do his thing.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 07/07/2022 14:30

Why are you bothered about annoying him? He's not respecting your feelings in the slightest, so why such concern about maintaining a polite demeanour?

Are you scared of him? If not, just pack your bags and leave.

ftm79507 · 07/07/2022 14:35

Watchkeys · 07/07/2022 14:30

Why are you bothered about annoying him? He's not respecting your feelings in the slightest, so why such concern about maintaining a polite demeanour?

Are you scared of him? If not, just pack your bags and leave.

Because he can be nasty with words when annoyed his never been physical but he has turned a situation on me quite a few times in the past and made me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing for our son so I'm just worried about what he will say this time. Especially after a long day at work, the several times I've just told him I can't do this anymore because of his job and how I feel he just tells me I'm not being supportive enough so I know it at least won't come as a shock

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 07/07/2022 14:44

What he says is just some sounds that come out of his face. If he's so rude as to not respect your view, just leave whilst he's out. Leave a note, if he's created a situation where you're uncomfortable to speak to him. He's not going to like it, even if you present it on a marshmallow cushion with a cherry on top. There is no 'right' or 'good' way to say it, in his eyes.

Just get yourself and your child out, and stop concerning yourself with his words. People say all sorts of crap. Let him. It'll prove to him that he has no power over you.

takeitandleaveit · 07/07/2022 14:56

Go home to your family.

Flowers
CPL593H · 07/07/2022 15:22

I take it what he's smoking isn't Benson and Hedges? (Sorry if I'm wrong about this)

Anyway, he sounds utterly unmotivated and you have indeed become a Mum to him, not what any young woman would aspire to. He is incredibly unlikely to improve and YY, I would go back to your family if that is an option. Should by some miracle he discover some motivation and makes big (long term) changes, you can reconsider. While you put up with things as they are, that will never happen.

CPL593H · 07/07/2022 15:23

PS your little son doesn't need this as a role model or to see you tolerating it.

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