How to repay kindness in a subtle, understated way

[mamaof3kiddos]

Just had a new baby (not our first).

Over the past year I have become fairly friendly with one of the school mums. She's lovely, has a natural way with kids and is very kind by nature.

A week before I was due she drove to our house to leave 5-6 home cooked meals on our doorstep for me to freeze. She has also offered to take my older kids for afternoons/days out so I can relax, she will often take them on a Saturday afternoon for a good stint.

Tonight again she dropped off two lasagnes on our doorstep and bought the baby the most beautiful, unusual gift.

I feel I need to do something to acknowledge the kindness but they're a very understated family, big gestures etc would not suit them.

Any idea as to what / how I can acknowledge all of this in a nice, "token of acknowledgment" sort of way? They are going away this weekend to london for a trip so I wonder if I get something towards that? Flowers seem a bit thoughtless?

Any ideas gratefully received.

Are they staying in a hotel? You could arrange for a bottle of prosecco for their room? They may be understated, but if she is the type of person that helps others a lot, it would be a lovely surprise to be spoilt like that.

Congratulations on the baby OP. Your friend sounds lovely*. Sometimes a “thank you” is the best thing you can do to show you’re grateful. So perhaps just send a card.

*I’m going to caveat this by saying sometimes people go a little OTT and it ends up uncomfortable. Especially if you then start feeling guilty about reciprocating. And it’s hard to acknowledge that without sounding ungrateful. I just wanted you to know that if she’s made you feel this way then I think that’s perfectly normal.

I’m going to caveat this by saying sometimes people go a little OTT and it ends up uncomfortable. Especially if you then start feeling guilty about reciprocating.

I agree with this bit ^

Im going to sound awful I know, but actually I'd find this person OTT.

Leaving 5-6 meals and then a further 2 lasagnes plus gift, seems too much imo, especially as you hardly know her. The first gesture is OK but how long is this going to continue for, would be my reaction. I'd be wanting to say "thanks so much but it's OK now you don't have to keep going".

it makes me think this person is a bit "try too hard" and imposing, especially as you're now already thinking you need to reciprocate and under some obligation. It's not as if she is close family. It would also make me wonder with such flourishes of generosity, are you in for a disappointment... I've known of people who can't keep it up, they start big and then it all tails off and they're on to the next new friend. Hence why I'm somewhat dubious about this.

She's doing practical things for you. Are there practical things you could do for her or help her with?

Hand written card

3 month subscription to Freddie’s flowers

I would send a card and put some thought into writing a message thanking her for her kindness. Flowers are always nice to receive. She sounds lovely.

I don’t think you need to overdo it and do a big, grand gestures. I think flowers and a card (personally delivered) is perfect.

Flowers and a card and say that when the opportunity arises you will pass on the kindness to someone else.

I agree a handwritten card is enough. Flowers too if you want but not necessary. I like @Mountainpika’s message about paying it forward

Card and a pretty pot plot? Like an beautiful orchid or other flowering plant. Last longer, more understated than big bunch of flowers. Or a big, pretty looking candle.

Grr.. typo = "pot plant"

I have a friend like this. Known her for years. It’s how she thrives. I’ve rarely been able to reciprocate. I even took her out for lunch once and somehow she managed to get her own way and pay!

This was what I was going to say - she’s showing support with deeds, so likely would prefer that as a thank you. A cake ir a meal on her return from being away?

maybe a thank you card and a box of chocolates/wine/bubble bath to say how much you appreciate all that she’s doing for you?

I think little thoughtful gestures often mean a lot more.