My mother in law

[star-87]

Does anyone else get on with there mil since having there baby?
I feel as tho my mil tries taking over and never asks when she wants to do something with my lo just tells me how can I be polite at saying please ask when you want to do something with my lo??

Please no judgement or rudeness towards me I am asking a genuine question and don't want any rudeness

You need boundaries and to apply these consistently with her (as well as anyone else); what is and is not acceptable from her towards you here?.

What does your man think of his mother's behaviour, does he notice?.

She will tell me I'm taking lo here or there and not even ask.
She makes shitty comments about not being invited round but she sees lo once a week I can't cope wirh more than that.
I wrote on here before asking for advice and some people wasn't nice. I left little one with her grandparents for an afternoon and my mil said I've bathed lo I said why little one suffers wirh eczema so I tend not to bath her as much as her skin is dry but me or my husband don't get asked whatever she wants to do with our lo she just does it and wonders why I get annoyed it's not for me to say anything but I'm fighting anxiety here so should I 🙁

Discuss with DH a list of rules, he needs to furnish her with them and if she doesn't respect the rules then access should be limited. Set the boundaries now and you'll avoid bigger problems later.

Your H and you are this child's parents, not her, and it appears like his mother wants to play at being parent again. This behaviour of hers needs to be stamped on quickly. Your child is not a toy to be taken here or there merely because she wants to take her out and without asking beforehand.

You really do need to apply firmer and consistently applied boundaries here because she will continue to walk all over you otherwise. Its likely that you also do not like confrontation; people like this woman know this and will use that against you as well.

What does your husband think of his mother's behaviour towards you?. Is he a mouse when it comes to his mother?. If you do not have his full support here you have big problems in the shape of him because he will always put her first.

If she cannot behave respectfully or civilly towards you she does not get to see you or her grandchild. You being disrespected and otherwise not listened to is not acceptable in anyone's language.

She does not get to take your baby. You tell her no next time and mean it. Your Dh needs to back you up. This is your child, not hers. She does not make decisions like taking her out etc. Be very clear with her.

How did you manage?
hope things are better

One word: no.

Your mil needs to hear it a lot more often. She's doing this behaviour because she's been allowed to get away with it.

You don't have to lose your temper but you should be allowed to make key statements like 'it matters a lot to me that you follow my wishes regarding the bathing' . Otherwise, say you're so busy that visits will have to be once a fortnight. It won't be long before your little one picks up on the undermining...

I think you have to remind mil that your baby is not a pet. DC is yours and you are enjoying bonding and becoming a mother. Tell her thank you but I’m spending time with DC as we bond and work out how to work things out together. Also just take your baby back if she tries to take her off you, even if that means you lock the doors and put the keys in your pocket when mil arrives, so she can’t leave with DC. Make a stand, you’ll feel so much better for it. Even tell her she’s had her turn at learning to be a mum and now it’s your turn so back off!

Give her instructions when you leave lo with her. If she wants to take her out say she can't as she's not well but maybe you could look after her at home.