I’m a single parent to one boy age 11 and could really do with some advice. At the moment, his mood swings are awful and he is often verbally rude to me and stroppy. I find this incredibly difficult to handle calmly and we are starting to have shouting matches which I feel ashamed about and also very anxious about. We do have screen time limits but he relies on his phone for entertainment and seems to be interested in little else. If I physically remove it he then gets very angry and as it’s just the two of us, one to one, most of the time, this is really draining and unsettling.
I feel it is down to me to manage things much better but we have now had 3 big arguments in a week and it’s getting to me. I can’t seem to get things on track. We both shout and the last two times he has squared up to me, and tried to push me. Part of the issue - which also makes me feel ashamed - is that his cockiness and lack of care remind me of his dad, who I do not get along with. Dad is a man child who offers little practical support and zero emotional support. I have very little respect for him and my son knows this.
It feels like a mess and I obviously feel responsible. I wonder if I’m depressed as my mood can be very low, and if this is affecting my reactions to my son, or clouding my judgement when my son does something normal for an 11 yr old - like getting up repeatedly after I put him to bed, which I get mega frustrated about because I’m desperate for half an hour to myself. I can’t seem to think this through clearly to make a plan.
I’ve wondered if I should try and see a counsellor myself, but when I’m on my own and things are calm I feel strong and okay. My son’s anger towards me is starting to really worry me ( as in is it something I’ve caused) and maybe we should see someone professional together who can steer us through a bit.
Has anyone been in a similar position? I don’t want to make my problem my son.’s problem, if it’s me that needs some help.