Hi all, this is my first post and I’m dire need of advice!
I’m a gay man, 35 and I’ve been in a relationship with a guy now for 3 months almost. Things have been going great and I jumped the gun, left my house and moved in with him. Now, I know this is extremely quick but I thought I was making the right decision. Things these past 2 weeks have been bad, arguing every day almost and I don’t know what to do! Sorry in advance but this post is going to be a big all over the place.
Key points: I’m a massive overthinker and I’m anxious at times. I swear I have ADHD and I’m waiting on a diagnosis. I do have a habit of going over things again and again eg. I’ll say something and I won’t stop repeating it until I fill understand it if that makes sense.
My bf is very stubborn. He’s very close to his sister and his mums mobility is bad and he often helps her out with washing her hair, cleaning her house etc. He always goes to his sisters for coffee as she lives around the corner. Big argument coming… Friday, he got up with me at 7:30am, I went to work. He told me he was on tiktok for 2 hours, got his beard done and went to his sisters to build furniture. He was there for around 90 mins. He started work at 4pm and and said he had to get a taxi as he was running late. I got home from a full day of work and he hadn’t done any washing, drying, cleaning or anything! There was empty shower gel bottles sitting in the toilet that he hadn’t even thrown out! Yet he can go and help his sister? I pulled him on it and said he needs to think of me, us and the flat.
He started a new job and works til around 10pm most nights. I finish early and he works near where we live so I offer to pick him up as it’s a 25 minute walk otherwise. I would feel bad if I didn’t pick him up. First few times, I pick him up and he keeps me waiting 15 mins. He never apologises for keeping me waiting. That would be the first thing I would do but that’s just me. I’m on the brink of breaking up, I really don’t want to but it’s getting too much and it’s every day.
second argument… I picked him up last night, he keeps me waiting again and he apologises but only because I mentioned the apologising to him before and said it’s manners. Like I’m going out of my way here to pick you up and so late at night also. We get home and we like to watch tv together. I go for a quick shower and come out and he’s on the phone to his mum. I made watch gestures and he proceeded to talk to her for a further 10 mins. At this point, I’m sitting in the living room waiting on him. I questioned him and he said he thought it wa an emergency as his mum has fallen a few times lately. I asked if it was an emergency and he said no. I said he should have said that he would call her tomorrow (today) - he didn’t start work until late afternoon. He goes for a shower and we sit down to watch our programme at 11:30pm! Bear in mind, I’m up for work at 7am and have an 8 hour shift ahead of me. Didn’t get to bed til 1am. Now I know that I could have went to bed but I wanted to spend time with him as I hadn’t seen him for 12 hours. When I questioned him on this today before leaving for work, he said he didn’t do anything wrong.
I was texting him earlier and I set we are learning how each other work and what buttons not to press etc. I said we need to set boundaries and he said that where family is concerned, there will be no boundaries and that they’ll always come first. He said I can be controlling and he will not be controlled and I do agree with that, I can be a tiny bit controlling at times.
I really love him but I’m at breaking point. So much stress lately and I’ve got a dangerously high blood pressure reading from the doctors. In the past few months, ive got into a new relationship, gave up my house, moved in with him and started a new job.
I have everything to lose. If we break up; I’ve got nothing.
can anyone offer advice?