She seemed interested in my recent breakup?

oblivious90 · 2022-07-05T02:57:47+00:00

I’m interested in a girl I work with, and she heard me say I recently got out of a relationship. At an after work event, she came over and chatted with me and eventually asked me “so you just got out of a long term relationship?” She also asked me if my ex was in the same city, and when I said no, she asked if we broke up long distance. The convo got interrupted, so it never was picked back up, but wondering if there’s any significance to this? I didn’t say anything about it being long term (maybe she assumed)? It just felt like a weird thing to engage in conversation over unless she was interested in me? Not sure of her relationship status or if the calculus changes depending note: both the girl and I are American

Musti · 05/07/2022 06:29

Keep talking to her. I’m nosey so may ask you questions without being attracted to you.

layladomino · 05/07/2022 07:58

You refer to her as a girl...is she very young? Or your age? (are you a boy?!)

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 11:01

Sorry no we’re both mid 20s adults

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Pinkbonbon · 05/07/2022 14:28

She could be interested.
She could know another girl in the office is interested and be finding out for her.
Or she could just be a nosey cow with no respect for boundaries.
Or she could just be socially inept.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/07/2022 14:37

Or she might be in a LDR herself and looking for success stories or to learn from your failure.

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 14:51

You sound about 14. She's not a girl, you're not a boy. You're an adult. How are we supposed to know what she feels, if you can't tell yourself when you've spent time with her? Healthy adult relationships are based on clear communication and understanding, not trying to deduce via forums what somebody might mean. If you like her, ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee with you, and take things from there.

Honestly, if we say 'Yes! She's into you!' will you honestly 'know' that she is?

SallyWD · 05/07/2022 14:52

She could well be interested OR she could just be a bit nosey. I'm afraid us women are much more interested in other people's relationships than men are. If I heard a colleague saying he'd split up with a partner I might ask him about it - out of curiosity really.

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:00

She’s a pretty sophisticated woman and from all my interactions with her quite a mature person. But she could still be nosy but she hasn’t been nosy about anything else

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Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:08

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 14:51

You sound about 14. She's not a girl, you're not a boy. You're an adult. How are we supposed to know what she feels, if you can't tell yourself when you've spent time with her? Healthy adult relationships are based on clear communication and understanding, not trying to deduce via forums what somebody might mean. If you like her, ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee with you, and take things from there.

Honestly, if we say 'Yes! She's into you!' will you honestly 'know' that she is?

To be fair, I haven’t been in this situation in probably 5 years so I’m a bit rusty and historically and not great at reading situations with women, so I was just curious is all

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Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:12

If you want to find out what a woman is thinking or feeling, talk to her, rather than asking a bunch of people on a forum, who've never met her.

How would you expect to start a relationship with her if you don't even want to have a conversation to guage how she's feeling? How much effort are you actually willing to make for this sophisticated woman? Do you think she'd find it attractive that you asked MN if she fancied you?

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:12

SallyWD · 05/07/2022 14:52

She could well be interested OR she could just be a bit nosey. I'm afraid us women are much more interested in other people's relationships than men are. If I heard a colleague saying he'd split up with a partner I might ask him about it - out of curiosity really.

Thanks for this. She hasn’t been nosey about other aspects of me really, and she has become more friendly over time. She has given me compliments and playfully touched me a couple times, and seems enthusiastic when I see her, but I also suppose that could just be pure friendliness

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Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:13

She hasn’t been nosey about other aspects of me really

If she was interested in you, she'd be trying to get to know you, wouldn't she?

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:25

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:13

She hasn’t been nosey about other aspects of me really

If she was interested in you, she'd be trying to get to know you, wouldn't she?

Maybe that’s true, but we get to know each other better every time we talk. I guess I just found asking about my recent relationship as something I wasn’t expecting to be asked about, even my someone who might have interest in me, at least at this stage

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Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:29

Does she actually know other stuff about you that she could ask you about? Or have you only really talked to her about your break up so far?

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:31

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:12

If you want to find out what a woman is thinking or feeling, talk to her, rather than asking a bunch of people on a forum, who've never met her.

How would you expect to start a relationship with her if you don't even want to have a conversation to guage how she's feeling? How much effort are you actually willing to make for this sophisticated woman? Do you think she'd find it attractive that you asked MN if she fancied you?

Not really sure what you’re problem is? What’s the point of this forum then? I don’t have friends that I feel comfortable discussing this stuff with so I just wanted to gauge some reactions, that’s all.

I think I’m making good progress and things are escalating but I was just curious

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Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:35

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:29

Does she actually know other stuff about you that she could ask you about? Or have you only really talked to her about your break up so far?

Yeah she does. She knows about my brother, she knows what sport I like to play and seems to remember that and talk to me about it, things I do outside of work. I know about her sister and the things she does on the weekends and stuff like that. The “deepest” thing we’ve talked about is my relationship status

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Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:39

Not really sure what you’re problem is

Jeez, mate. Grow up a bit. I'm trying to tell you that you won't find out how a woman feels about you by posting interactions with her on a forum. You've seen her body language. You've heard the tone in her voice. You've seen how she looks at you. You've heard all the things she's said to you. You know better than we do. Why don't you trust your own opinion on it? Why don't you ask her instead of us? Do you genuinely think she'd find it attractive that you'd asked on MN whether she fancied you? I don't 'have a problem', but your defensiveness and your approach to this situation shows a lack of self esteem.

Do you think there was any significance to what she said? That's what matters.

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 16:53

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 16:39

Not really sure what you’re problem is

Jeez, mate. Grow up a bit. I'm trying to tell you that you won't find out how a woman feels about you by posting interactions with her on a forum. You've seen her body language. You've heard the tone in her voice. You've seen how she looks at you. You've heard all the things she's said to you. You know better than we do. Why don't you trust your own opinion on it? Why don't you ask her instead of us? Do you genuinely think she'd find it attractive that you'd asked on MN whether she fancied you? I don't 'have a problem', but your defensiveness and your approach to this situation shows a lack of self esteem.

Do you think there was any significance to what she said? That's what matters.

I didn’t mean to get defensive. And I take your point. I’m not the most confident in this department so I really second guess myself. Women don’t show a ton of interest me in, especially that look like her, so I tend to default to the negative perception.

everything I’ve experienced with her in my gut tells me she is interested in me. I felt that the first time I met her, I just have had this gut feeling about it. So I guess I just need to follow my instincts. I only hesitate because I don’t always trust myself but I suppose that’s a personal esteem problem!

thank you

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Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 18:37

This isn't about whether she finds you attractive or not. That puts responsibility with her. This is about whether you can take rejection.

You're going to have to be brave and ask her for a date or coffee. You're going to have to find out from her. You're asking us because you're scared to ask her.

You find her attractive, and that's what you need to respect, regardless of how she feels about you. You have to make sure you've done what you need to do to make sure you don't miss out on a relationship with her.

Original poster

oblivious90 · 05/07/2022 19:31

Watchkeys · 05/07/2022 18:37

This isn't about whether she finds you attractive or not. That puts responsibility with her. This is about whether you can take rejection.

You're going to have to be brave and ask her for a date or coffee. You're going to have to find out from her. You're asking us because you're scared to ask her.

You find her attractive, and that's what you need to respect, regardless of how she feels about you. You have to make sure you've done what you need to do to make sure you don't miss out on a relationship with her.

Thank you this is helpful. I’ll say that when I’m around her, she makes me feel confident. I don’t get nervous around her, I feel energized. In the moment with her and right after, I feel good about my interactions with her and what I experienced, but I tend to over analyze and doubt myself as I think more and more about what happened

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